Review of Arachnophobia (1990) by Matt H — 29 Mar 2012

So I just re-watched Arachnophobia for the first time since whenever a (where to time the other day and realized something I'd never noticed in it before, this is without a doubt the most sexual movie about spiders I have ever seen.

For instance, it begins with a small town photographer on assignment in South America documenting Arachnologist Julian Sands (who on a related note has never been in a movie where fucking isn't the main plot point as far as I've seen) expedition to find new species of spiders.

They do, but the photographer freaks when one jumps at him and squashes it while we get a close up shot of it's mate giving him a "you're fucking dead!" stare from afar. So that spider sneaks into the guys tent, bites him, kills him, and stows away in his coffin all the way back to Smalltown, USA and when the coroner opens the casket to discover the photographer has been literally been "sucked dry" (wink wink) by said spider.

Anyway, Jeff Daniels moves into town and his new house just so happens to have a barn with a lot of common country spiders (?). No big deal right? Wrong. You see the evil South American spider with a grudge against average Americans FUCKS one of the spiders and crossbreeds an army of common DEADLY country spiders which then terrify the town.

So now we have an army of super killer spiders, the product of evil spider fucking, terrorizing the whole town. On the plus side, John Goodman is in it playing the role of what would've happened to Walter from The Big Lebowski if he had have moved to a small town and take his NAM rage out on spiders.

Despite all this, it's pretty awesome and a childhood favorite of mine, despite the gratuitous spider fucking (or maybe because of it, subconciously of course.