Review of Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters (2007) by Adam B — 17 Oct 2008

Aqua Teen is a stoner, slacker cartoon from Adult Swim on Cartoon Network. Having made a viral ad blunder before releasing their movie in 2007, (scaring Boston), they unleashed a full length disaster parody.

Unfortunately, unless you are stoned to the point that you now have the mind of a 12-year-old with Downs syndrome, this movie won't make you smile even once. (If you do, it's gas). Older adults will get the myriad pop culture riffs, from War of the Worlds, (the TV show), Indiana Jones, Godzilla (terrible US version), Star Wars, ('I am your father! Noooo!'), playing Atari games, Maro Brothers games, the original Terminator, and various disaster adventure films.

But they're just refererences so they never quite tell jokes about them. The literal running gag in the story seems to be that an excercise machine has been sent through time from the future, maybe by the Plutonians, (actually the past), actually the 1980s, and that snarky heroes Meatwad, Master Shake and Frylock put it together and it goes on a killing spree.

Shake beats up on a mutant poodle in a spoof of The Hunk, from the mutant poodle scene in the first Hulk movie, (which sucked). The future Moon Men and Plutonians and Uranians (because Uranus is funny, heh), then learn about the machine from a future ghost robot of Christmas past, or something, (ala Terminator), and then it falls into Meatwad's hands, and the bungling idiots reassemble it.

Lincoln appears also, possibly parodying the character from 1980s Licoln Logs commercials. The machine turns out to be a female robot (with a bit of sexist humor tossed in) and it lays eggs, like in the 'Godzilla' remake, and like in 'Jurassic Park' of which it rips off also.

Everything is a toy commerical or a video game commerical. They reference Nintendo, Sony, X Box, and they are really a McDonald's Happy Meal with attitude, basically. They even reference media from VCRs to CDs to DVDs.

And none of this is animated well. It's like a flash cartoon gone bad, all of it, like a 16-year-old stoner with two years of experience from computer class did this on his spare time. And what of the McD's stuff? Did McD's get royalties? Don't think so.

Too bad there is nothing really funny in this story. The sex jokes are just wrong in this movie because they're objects, like shakes and a fry box, and it's really juvenile and stupid. (At one point they discuss how each of them could get laid and how to do it).

It's amazing that the critics almost liked this movie, giving an overall **1/2 stars on many sites, because this is easily the worst cartoon movie of 2007, and should have gotten around a star. One star.