Review of Alien: Covenant (2017) by Fireantus — 21 May 2017
Gosh. I don't want to bash people who give it a high rating, because there is some enjoyable kernel, a morsel of good fun in this movie, but damn. You need to crank up your "suspension of disbelief" to god damn 11.
Wait, you ask. It's a SF movie with xenomorphs, androids and spacefaring ships. Of course we need to suspense disbelief, moron! Sure, you're right, but there is such a thing as INTERNAL LOGIC and this movie pretty much kicked it out and dumped down the gutter. It's not even in the plot, since - while extremely predictable - is serviceable and fun to follow.
It's in the fact, that THIS group of soldiers and scientists is even stupider than the bunch in Prometheus.
I know! I didn't think it was possible to achieve, but here we go. For me it is an extremely cheap horror / thrille (a movie in general!) if the plot requires every single human being in it to act like complete morons. If the corporation / country had a casting for the crew of Covenant, it picked the worst of the worst, the bottom of the barrel... Idiots, incompetent dumbos with zero self-preservation instict.
From their first encounter we see that this bunch of 'heroes' is untrained for anything, incapable of dealing in any situation that is harder that turning the light on, ill-prepared to make decision and completely unaware of the idea of COMMON SENSE. You as a viewer just rot there in your chair, cringing in pain and suffering as you watch the Crew of Covenant strive with every breath to end themselves in various fashion of spectacular idiocy. I don't want to spoil the events of this movie, but this people shouldn't crew a god-damn swing in a kiddie park...
Visuals are great. It's a shame that there is so little Xenomorph and its reduced to a pretty brainless beast, lacking in horror and dread of an ultimate predator. Music is solid, build atmosphere well. Some acting is fantastic to be sure.
It's a shame that I couldn't enjoy this movie because the trope of Horror Characters being Idiots is so mighty in this one.
This review of Alien: Covenant (2017) was written by Fireantus on 21 May 2017.
Alien: Covenant has generally received positive reviews.
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