Review of Alien: Covenant (2017) by Assassin W — 11 Jun 2017

I walked out of the theater and personally apologize to my friends who I took to see the movie and my relatives who are big Alien fans because my God this film was atrocious.

There are shorts on YouTube where they explore the characters more than the film does. James Franco's character is more in the shorts than he is in the film. Now about the characters they are all hollow as shit. They are all forgettable except for Tennessee and the androids. But David the android was from Prometheus so he already got his time to shine, and Tennessee actually had potential but the Ridley Scott said fuck it just realease the film in this unfinished state. The androids get the most focus but that's at the cost of every other character in this film thus we care for none of them and the film is no longer scary because in a GOOD horror film we are scared because we are scared of what will happen to these characters but in this film they are all so hollow that you just DONT CARE.

The Alien mythos gets so screwed over here because in Prometheus there are many phases and ways that Alien's evolve into the Xenomorphs and Protomorphs with the engineers/space jockeys that was really cool in Prometheus. However here the way Aliens are made are less interesting and less unique so now the ultimate creature's origin is no longer as unique as it was and it was built up to be way more diverse than other monsters making this film very horror Trope-ey which is another problem here. There are WAY TOO MANY TROPES in this film. The shower scene with the couple (I want you to guess what happens), the guy says he's gonna take a leak (guess what happens) and this wouldn't be a problem if the film was a satire and you can have fun with this film but it is so self serious and it thinks that it's clever when it is the dumbest film I've seen this year.

The CGI is disappointingly unconvincing and just doesn't look that good. The tiny aliens are moving too faster for whatever computer they were designed on and as a result their animations look extremely choppy. Then you get to their grown forms, I looked at my friends and I asked them "is that a xenomorph because it sure as hell don't look like one. Call it something else." The Alien at the end also didn't sell it for me I never felt like there was a presence of the Alien being there.

This film was a huge disappointment for me and I could keep going but for the sake of time (and I'm too lazy to keep typing) I have it my 1/5 but the more I think about this film the worse it gets.