Review of Alien: Covenant (2017) by Morty R — 20 May 2017

Like a hapless crew member, I was lured into the depths of the theater, where I would witness the entire audience succumb to a suffocatingly uninspired Alien Covenant. A parasite in it's own right - Alien Covenant mercilessly feeds off of the sheer epic-ness that was Alien and Aliens, bursting through our wallets and precious time.

I left with a newfound understanding of what the ravaged crew endured, as I felt the life being sucked out of me face first - my eyes glazed over as the relentless screen shoved weak character after weak character down my throat.

I should have known what I was in for, as James Franco himself chose self-combustion in his first minute of screen time over enduring the entirety of this flop.