Review of Alien: Covenant (2017) by Johnny T — 01 Aug 2017

It is exceedingly difficult to recommend Alien: Covenant. The inert dialogue and fatuous narrative leave the film feeling rather redundant. Here we are almost 40 years later, still gamely plunking down our money to see our toothy little friends. Yet again a crew sniffs after a mysterious ping and sticks their nose in a deadly larva pod. Are our astronauts learning? God no. And if the audience expected a different plot, we're not learning, either. I am sad to say, however, that the newest chapter in the franchise, Alien: Covenant, is not a return to form. The problem with Covenant, beyond the howling boredom of its first hour and the remarkably-poor CGI employed in the manufacture of its various beasties, is that it's all references and no referents. Presumably, Scott is giving the audience what it wants, but purists may wonder whether simply re-watching "Alien" would have provided scarier, more genuine jolts. Unfortunately, tying everything together isn't nearly as tidy as you would hope and the result is a movie that, even with its share of moments, feels kind of clunky and unsatisfying. These films have run out of ideas. Two Michael Fassbenders are not twice as good. A baloney script, poor casting, lame performances, and an unfocused production design make for a second-rate sci-fi movie that is nothing more than a pathetic knock-off of the original.

VERDICT: "Not So Hot" - [Negative Reaction] These films are truly terrible films. They are not the worst things ever made, but they are definitely awful and should not be seen by anyone. (Films that are rated 1.5 or 2 stars).