Review of Alice in Wonderland (1951) by Godotisw8Ing4U — 03 Jul 2013

Here's what's wrong with Alice in Wonderland: it doesn't want to be Alice in Wonderland. It wants to be Narnia. The Dormouse's overhaul into a feisty fencer alone is clue enough, as if everything else weren't already screaming it at you through a megaphone. The problem is that it isn't Narnia, shouldn't be Narnia, and isn't nearly as good at being Narnia as Narnia. Johnny Depp is more annoying in this film than he has ever been before, creating a Mad Hatter who is just confusing instead of remotely endearing, and every other character is roughly him in miniature in this respect. It's not even the good, bewildering kind of confusing that you would expect from the source material: it's just the bad, boring kind of confusing that suggests the filmmakers didn't do their homework, didn't try to create a character with a meaningful identity, and didn't try to make sure their characters had actual purpose and plot relevance. The March Hare is reduced to a one-note side joke. The Dormouse has been marginally elevated...into a slightly DIFFERENT one-note side joke from the one in the book, with slightly more screen time (this time, the joke is that the Dormouse is a Reepicheep clone! HOW WONDERFUL!). The Mad Hatter is the only character from the tea party that seems to matter, but he's just annoying. The Tweedle twins are simply dull and underused instead of funny in any way. The White Rabbit is instantly forgettable, and you'll forget him every time you see him. Anne Hathaway, as the White Queen, hints at interesting character elements...that you will never ever see. Helena Bonham Carter is forced into a heartbreakingly shallow role as the Red Queen that everyone knows she is far too good for.

The only actors with roles that seemed to fit well were Crispin Glover as the Red Knave (and a chilling one at that; Glover, for all the notoriety he gained on Letterman, gets into his characters with an astonishing intensity, even in flops like this), Stephen Fry as the Cheshire Cat (because he seems to be perfect at everything he does), Alan Rickman as Absolem the Caterpillar (stupid though the name may be, Rickman's voice work is better than anyone could have ever expected, and he brings exactly the right note of condescending mystery that the caterpillar needs to have), and Christopher Lee as the Jabberwock (only two lines, but spoken SO WELL).

None of this is enough to save the movie from the fact that it doesn't want to be what it claims to be. It can never, ever escape this. The Alice trappings are just sort of "there", dangling around it, because it's clear to anyone with eyes that this movie began development after Disney bailed on the Chronicles of Narnia films so it wouldn't have to split the take with Walden Media, as an alternative to Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

Lewis Carroll would probably be disgusted.