Review of A Quiet Place (2018) by Clopez82 — 06 Apr 2018

Don't you just hate how noisy your shoes are?

This movie is apparently like an IQ test. I'd rather watch the Paris Hilton remake of "House of Wax", or "Jeepers Creepers 2" 10x than sit through this brain-dead POS 1 more time. It forces you to have quiet contemplative moments to reflect on how absolutely retarded its derivative plot devices, and all of its characters are.

Slim Whitman head explosions anyone? JFC!

Where's Vin Diesel when we need him? ...wait, wrong sense. My bad.

Sand? Sand!

Why use a lantern if you have so many lightbulbs? Gotta start fires somehow I guess. That Monopoly money's not gonna burn itself. Oxygen cannister? Butane lighter! Check.

Where'd that peksy baby coffin lid go? Who cares!

Why don't monsters sink in corn? I dunno... Dort dort dort!!!

25 security cameras, 100 jury-rigged hearing aids, 2,000 red lightbulbs, and not a single wired up airhorn? Sure... Why not.

How heavy is sand? How do you harvest corn quietly? If I shout over a HAM radio, and nobody's tuned in, does it make a sound?

Shrug.

Waterfalls! Of course! WATERFALLS!

...and candles! We need MORE candles!!! Kids, follow the sand-trail downtown and GET ME MORE CANDLES!

And more farm-to-table family dinners, more Edison lights, and more g-darn electric lightbulb-lit kerosene lanterns sitting on top of hay stacks.

...and stupid children, we'll need a lot more of those!!!

J F F'ing C this is the best-rated absolutely horrible movie I've ever sat through... Blair Witch Project has been de-throned, and I dread the clones to follow.

The weed at SXSW must have been pretty damn good ... (Psst... I created an account on here just to post this, because it's that bad. I tried not to include spoilers, but the plot is so mind-numbingly bad I think I maybe crypto-spolied it. Whispering is effective.