Review of A Perfect Murder (1998) by Mina E — 30 Jun 2013

Original post date: 10.4.2004.

I'm currently reliant upon videos and DVDs for entertainment, having taken up residence in an older townhome with only one cable hook-up inconveniently located in the dining room. I haven't taken the time yet to snake a lengthy cable line through the house to the TV in the living room; so if I want to tune into TCM or the presidential debates or a rerun of "Leave it to Beaver," I have to sit at the dining table in an upright dining-room chair, not conducive to the supine position I prefer for movie-watching.

Yesterday morning, good ole mom brought over a bag full of videos, so I opened a new pack of smokes and settled in for another Saturday matinee.

I watched "A Perfect Murder," the 1998 remake of Hitchcock's "Dial M for Murder." Now, you know how I feel about remakes, especially remakes of perfect films. Speaking of which, I saw an ad the other day for a remake of "Alfie," starring Hey Jude Law. My initial reaction was, "What?!" then I just buried my head in my hands and repeated "Why? Why? Why?" until my program came back on.

1966's "Alfie" was Michael Caine's break-through role, as well as a social snapshot of the "hedonistic 60s." The original "Alfie" was a film representative of the times. Sexual promiscuity in our current times isn't looked upon as "swinging" or "macho," and I doubt that today's audience could "forgive" a modern Alfie for his reckless lust. This is as silly as remaking "What's New, Pussycat." I shudder at the thought of Jim Carrey playing Dr. Fritz Fassbender or casting Colin Farrell in O'Toole's role or, gawd forbid, J-Lo in Capucine's role. Ugh.

And while we're on the subject of movies representative of the times, could "Pretty in Pink" or "The Breakfast Club" be set in any other decade than the 80s? The bold and quirky movies of the 70s? "One Flew Over the Cuckoo?s Nest" ("Hey! Let's replace Nicholson with Matt Damon and call it 'Bourne Crazy'!"), "Harold and Maude" ("Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore would be great!"), "Dog Day Afternoon" ("Say, Tom Cruise can be edgy, can't he?"). The wacky, free-spirited films of the 60s? The Beatles' "Help!" ("Somebody get NSYNC on the horn!"), "The Party" ("Hey, Robin Williams is still funny, isn't he?"), "Dr. Strangelove" ("Ben Affleck would make a great Bat Guano, huh?"). Ew. I'm making myself nauseous.

What was I talking about? Ah! "A Perfect Murder.".

Having viewed the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy before giving this movie a look-see, it was difficult for me to watch Aragorn Mortensen play such a greasy loser. By the way, artists get such a bad rap in film. They're always portrayed as psychotics or filthy bohemians, which, I suppose, some of them are; but my mother is a painter, and she wears Escada and drinks martinis while she paints, so c'mon, Hollywood!Let's get away from the tired stereotype and try a little harder. Jeese. Not every painter is expressing "anger" in his or her work. YAWN.

I have to say, not a bad remake, simply because the story is a total departure from the original. Aragorn Mortensen is no adorable Bobby Cummings, and the detective doesn't do half the detective work that Chief Inspector Hubbard pulls off in "Dial M." Paltrow is a "modern woman." She has her own wealth, holds a prestigious job and courageously investigates the issue with the key herself. Grace Kelly's Margot was utterly dependent upon men to save her. I believe that this movie would have failed had they adhered to the original plotline. Today's woman cannot abide seeing herself as needy and frail as Grace, which is why women aren't coddled and safeguarded anymore. We can take care of ourselves, right, girls? (eye roll).

Michael Douglas plays an excellent creep. "Dial M's" Ray Milland was elegantly menacing; but I prefer Milland in "The Uninvited," one of my favorite ghost stories. I was a big Douglas fan until he started making all those dominatrix flicks. He redeemed himself in my book with "The American President," a charming, adult romance with lovely Annette Bening. One thing I like about watching Douglas' work is, he always looks like he's having a great time. He doesn't appear jaded by the movie biz. He seems to enjoy what he's doing; therefore, we enjoy watching him enjoy himself.

I can't decide whether I like Paltrow's work. Please don't flame me (mom), but I wasn't fond of "Shakespeare in Love," and I really hated "The Talented Mr. Ripley," once again, preferring the original French 1960 "Plein Soleil," or "Purple Moon," directed by Rene Clement (I highly recommend a viewing of this picture if you've never seen it). The only time I connected with Paltrow was watching her in "The Royal Tenenbaums," perhaps because I like movies about eccentrics.

Note: Why does Paltrow's character stay at her girlfriend's apartment when she has enough cash to stay at The Four Seasons?

Spoilers to follow...

What I think made "Dial M's" Milland such a nasty bastard was the fact that he was above getting his hands dirty. He could plot his wife's murder and convince a scumbag to do it, then try to cover his tracks and play the concerned husband; but actually committing a murder was either beneath him or he didn't have the stomach for it. After all, he's not some burly, shirt-sleeve salesman like Lars Thorwald in "Rear Window." (Here's an aside on "Rear Window": when Grace runs across the street to find out who the man in the window is, she calls Jimmy to tell him the man's name is Lars Thorwald. "L-A-R-S, Thorwald." She spells "Lars," but not "Thorwald," which could easily be spelled with either an "a" or an "o" the way Grace pronounces it. Cracks me up every time.) We find that Douglas DOES have the stomach for bloodshed, which caused me to scrunch up my nose and purse my lips.

And Paltrow's "modern woman" has to wrap it up with a roscoe? Meh. I'm a little tired of the bad guy always getting plugged full of lead. It's a bit too "E-Z Bake Oven" scriptwriting for me. Isn't there a more original way for the villain to get his comeuppance?

One other issue I had was that the detective was lazy. Why hint at his suspicions of Douglas if he's not going to follow-through? What we love about Chief Inspector Hubbard in "Dial M" is that he does his job AND he's humorous. Gawd, Hitchcock was a master. Mixing up his suspense with humor. What a delicious way to serve up thrills.

All in all, I was entertained by "A Perfect Murder." Not on the edge of my seat, but it held my attention and proved a good choice for a Saturday on the couch.