Review of A Cure for Wellness (2017) by Trevor P — 23 Feb 2017

You know, they don't call Mr. Verbinski "Gore" for nothing. Each small episode splatters plenty of blood across the screen, supported by plenty of naked people hanging it loose for all to see. Although I'd hate to disappoint any of you men expecting a great time, almost all the nudists here are well into their seniority. These disturbing sights are given proper justifications for existing, as proven by a swarm of flesh-hungry eels honored by the community.

Though despite the refreshing shock value, the acting quality still falls short-especially with all those exaggerated Swiss accents! Now, I'm mainly referring to the villain, who verbalizes the most obnoxiously obvious British Bad Guy voice. Yeah, so a European country full of fake accents creates a pretty inappropriate backdrop for a creepy asylum.

A Cure for Wellness also has little staying power due to its flat mimicry of archetypes already utilized by virtually every European horror ever made. Additionally, any meaningful moments taken for Lockhart and his vulnerable new girlfriend to bond winds up tossed onto on the cutting room floor in service of the thrills.