Review of Zoom (2006) by Mel V — 12 May 2014

Any time a movie studio passes on advance screenings for the press, it?s usually a bad sign that that the studio lacks confidence in the final product. Case in point, [i]Zoom[/i] or, per the extra-long DVD title, [i]Zoom: Academy for Superheroes[/i], a derivative, unimaginative, kid-friendly superhero comedy starring Tim Allen ([i]Galaxy Quest[/i], [i]The Santa Clause[/i]) and a cast of pre-teen and teen actors (plus actors slumming for paychecks, e.g., Courteney Cox, Chevy Chase, and Rip Torn). With a by-the-numbers screenplay by Adam Rifkin and David Berenbaum, and uninspired direction by Peter Hewitt ([i]Garfield[/i], [i]Thunderpants[/i], [i]The Borrowers[/i]), there?s little reason to give [i]Zoom[/i] a chance on DVD or cable television, unless, of course, you happen to be a Tim Allen or Chevy Chase completist and can?t wait a few months for [i]Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer[/i] and/or [i]Spider-Man 3[/i]. You should (wait, that is).

[i]Zoom[/i] gives us all the backstory we?ll need to understand what?s going on from the opening credits, comic book style (an idea, like many others borrowed from the comic book-to-film adaptations of Marvel Comics and its well-known superhero characters). Twenty-five years ago, the government created a five-member super team, codenamed ?Zenith,? to save the world from minor and major catastrophes. Eager to exponentially increase the super-team?s powers, the government subjected them to risky ?Gamma-13? radiation. One member of the super-team, Connor Shepard/Concussion (Kevin Zegers), went rogue, killing three of the other members. Conner?s younger brother, Jack/Captain Zoom (Tim Allen), managed to saved the day by actions sending Concussion to another dimension, but lost his [i]Flash[/i]-like powers in the process.

Fast forward to the present. Dr. Grant (Chevy Chase), a Nobel Prize-winning scientist, alerts General Larraby (Rip Torn), the head of the still existing government project, that a time-space, pan-dimensional rift has opened over Long Beach, California. Concussion, it seems, is about to make a comeback, but it?ll take tend days for him to traverse the distance to the site where the original vortex opened up. Grant and Larraby press the now middle-aged Jack into service. They offer him money and the opportunity to spend time with the klutzy, presumably brilliant, Marsha Holloway (Courteney Cox). Jack, paunchy, grizzled, and bitter at a lifetime?s worth of disappointments, shows little interest in helping the government train a new super-team.

Grant, Larraby, and Holloway recruit Dylan West (Michael Cassidy), a 17-year old, longhaired rebel without a clue with invisibility and astral projection powers, Summer Jones (Kate Mara), a 16-year old outcast who can move objects with her mind (and read emotions too), Tucker Willams (Spencer Breslin), a rotund 12-year old with body-expanding powers, and Cindy Collins (Ryan Newman), a six-year old, temperamental blonde moppet with super-strength. Together, they have to overcome their (superficial) differences, learn to work together as a cohesive superhero team, and, with Jack setting aside his cynicism, forming a makeshift family, all before Concussion returns to exact revenge on Jack and cause general mayhem.

So little effort went into writing and producing [i]Zoom[/i] that it?s hard to know where to begin. It?s not so much that [i]Zoom[/i] is painfully bad (well, the fart and gas jokes are) or objectionably offensive (hmm, the all-Caucasian super-team is, in light of the minority candidates rejected initially), but that it?s unmemorably mediocre and generically derivative. [i]Zoom[/i] borrows haphazardly from the [i]X-Men[/i] trilogy, [i]Fantastic Four[/i], [i]The Hulk[/i], [i]The Incredibles[/i], and [i]Sky High[/i], adding nothing new to the mix. The superheroes and their powers are unoriginal, the character arcs predictable (confidence-building all around, sacrificing individualism for teamwork and the good of others, reconciling with the past, chaste romance for the teenage set, comical romance for adults, and lame costumes names for everyone), and the cast transparently bored with their underwritten roles or mugging shamelessly (Mr. Chase, Mr. Torn, three words: voice over work).

Interestingly, [i]Zoom[/i] tries to cover a broad demographic (if by broad we mean an all-Caucasian super-team and cast, with one or two people of color sprinkled in as extras). The super-team, ages 6, 12, 16, and 17, covers the preteen and teen demographic. The adults, ranging from the geriatric (Torn), the near geriatric (Chase), the middle-aged (Allen), and the not-yet-middle-aged (Cox), cover the adult demographic almost completely, with the exception of twenty-somethings. That doesn?t matter, since [i]Zoom[/i] wasn?t intended for anyone in that age range anyway (too young to be parents, too old to enjoy the juvenile humor). Why more thought wasn?t given to the characters, their backstories, or their superhero identities is a question only the screenwriters and the studio (Sony Pictures) can answer and given how quickly [i]Zoom[/i] came and went in movie theaters (no pun intended) minus advance press screenings, they didn?t care much.

If, though, an inoffensive, unoriginal, kid-friendly superhero comedy is your bag, then [i]Zoom[/i] will be forgettable non-fun for the entire family. As an alternative, you can rent or re-rent [i]The Incredibles[/i] or, if you?ve seen [i]The Incredibles[/i] too many times recently, give [i]Sky High[/i] a chance. If that skews too young for your tastes, then give the underseen, underappreciated [i]My Super Ex-Girlfriend[/i] a try (not a great film by any means, but passable entertainment for a Saturday evening). Others might suggest giving the [i]Fantastic Four[/i] a chance, but if they did that, their judgment would be seriously open to question.