Review of Your Highness (2011) by Sean C — 31 Jan 2016

Behind every courageous, chivalrous, and noble; dragon-slaying, damsel-in-distress saving, knight in shining armor (James Franco) is a lazy, crude, good-for-nothing, pot-smoking, rapscallion of a brother (Danny McBride); whom he must endure on a dangerous quest to save his buxom, not to mention corseted, bride-to-be (Zooey Deschanel) from a salacious evil wizard (Justin Theroux); with the help of a feisty, Xena-type sex symb- I mean, warrior (Natalie Portman), of course.

Okay, so this isn't exactly a humdinger of a premise for a sword and sorcery farce, but it will suffice, I guess... as soft-core pornography for prepubescent boys, perhaps!

One may have to fancy James Franco, Danny McBride, Zooey Deschanel, and Natalie Portman an inordinate amount in order to withstand, let alone appreciate, an entire hour and forty minutes of cheap British accents, obtuse storytelling, sexually charged delinquency, and recycled antediluvian humor because I am uncertain what these people were thinking when they agreed to be a part of this David Gordon Green calamity (although he has done better stoner comedies in the past: hence, Pineapple Express). Franco's character was simply unremarkable; Portman and Deschanel were given especially horrendous roles as two very different, yet equally vapid, women; and do not get me started on the embarrassingly witless supporting characters and extras, but given McBride co-wrote the, um, "script", why couldn't he construct a less pathetic part for himself?

As terribly daft as this film may be, and normally I'd be far more critical of a film chock-full of bare breasts, penis jokes, and other such raunchy humor, it is amazing to witness Oscar-winning actors -- especially ones with as much clout as Portman -- clearly enjoying themselves and the, somewhat endearing, juvenile flare this romp has to offer. Well, amazing in the way intelligent people manage to knowingly engage in exceptionally unintelligible things while not completely destroying my respect for them. Also: consider the film's substantial absurdity (that is, where hostile little people, unfaithful knights, a well hung Minotaur, a pedophile wizard, sexy warriors in thongs, and the liberal use of f-bombs are concerned); even if it's merely immature nostalgia, it does carry a certain magnetism; and, whether you admit to it or not, this actually manages to induce some hearty laughs.

Seriously, there are some decent idioms and allusions midst the relentless lack of sophistication. ("Oh god! It was a trap!" White people, I knew it!" "White people?" "Are they nice or are they mean?" "--They're mean!") Still, as with any junk food, one ought to take these sorts of films in moderation, as it's just silly enough to be entertaining, but I only recommend a single glance because every joke expires.

[D-] -- 37%.