Review of xXx: Return of Xander Cage (2017) by Alex M — 31 Jan 2017

Mindless action capturing the early 2000s feel. Check. It was entertaining although I didn't really like the obvious formula for this. It's the Expendables and Fast and the Furious. Nowadays every action movie has to build a team. And not a good group of heroes, but the dirty, grimy, unlikeable ones. I don't really get it. I liked Vin Diesel, Donnie Yen and The Hound. All the other characters felt like bad stereotypes, down to Tony Jaa being an asian michael jackson. The token lesbian badass with tattoos? and Nina Dobrev as the nerdy, oversexual lab assistant. But it's okay, she wore glasses and didn't like guns and fighting, so she wasn't just there for eye candy. Phew. But why did she have to literally fawn over XXX? I just didn't get that. The writing definitely felt geared towards horny teenagers, but that's the age of action we live in nowadays I guess.

Toni Collette plays the Viola Davis character from Suicide Squad, gathering the group of misfits to retrieve the device she wants. And then big surprise- (spoiler) she's the villain in the end. Her death was unintentionally laughable though. It was just goofy. I would've preferred to see her suffer a much worse fate, seeing as she was a miserable b*tch.

The stunts were over the top but that's what I expect from this kind of movie. Even if this time around, they were literally bordering on stupidity. Skiing in the jungle? Biking on an ocean? Running through a nosediving plane, defying all types of physics?

Alright, I'll take it. It fits for this type of movie.

As a movie, it's bad. But within the context of cheesy action, it delivers and was just fine! I was thoroughly entertained. With this movie, you have to know what you're gonna get. I loved the first XXX so I was a satisfied customer. I liked the little twist at the end, even if it felt switch and bait-like. I wouldn't feel bad if they never made another XXX movie. I was over it already when the credits came up.