Review of XXX! (2011) by Jason H — 17 Mar 2010

Brawny, bald-headed, baritone-voiced, tough-guy Vin Diesel radiates the kind of charisma and presence reminiscent of the late Telly Savalas. Savalas made a career out of playing notorious villains, most memorably arch-foe Ernst Stavro Blofeld in the 007 classic "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" (1969), until he won TV fame as the lollipop-licking N.Y.P.D. Detective "Kojak"(1973-78), who popularized the phrase "Who loves ya, baby?" Like Savalas, Diesel usually portrays villains, but his morally-ambiguous rogues heroically redeem themselves in thrillers like "Pitch Black" (2000), "The Fast and the Furious" (2001), and if it gets released in October, the long-overdue Mafia melodrama "Knockabout Guys" (2001). When he isn't cast as a bad-guy-gone-good, Diesel has provided the voice for the misunderstood monster in "The Iron Giant" (1999) and aroused sympathy as a doomed G.I. in Steven Spielberg's overrated, below-average, World War II bloodbath "Saving Private Ryan" (1998). Instead of signing up for the "Furious" sequel, Diesel has teamed up with director Rob Cohen, who called the shots on "Furious," to produce "xXx," a superficial, slam-bang, European-lensed spy saga in the tradition of James Bond but aimed primarily at the PlayStation generation. Although it lacks the originality of "Furious," "xXx" compensates for its formulaic flaws with high-voltage pyrotechnics, unbelievable stunts, and a sadistic ex-Soviet officer with a scheme to topple all status quo governments.

The hopelessly derivative screenplay by Rich Wilkes, whose credits include "The Jerky Boys," "The Stoned Age," and "Airheads," plunders the Bond franchise but pays homage to "Pulp Fiction" and "The Third Man." Diesel flexes his tattooed biceps as Xander Cage, an anti- smoking activist/outlaw Internet celebrity who risks his neck with extreme-sports escapades like stealing a right-wing California state senator's Corvette. Cage rigs the ride with crash- proof Sony cameras, so he can broadcast the footage later on-line and rebut the senator's campaign to ban rap music, skateboards, and videogames. Plunging the car off a high-rise bridge, Cage bails out with a parachute at the last minute before a fireball explosion obliterates the vehicle. Inevitably, the cops catch up with him. In swaggers National Security Agency honcho Augustus Gibbons (the incomparable Samuel L. Jackson with a facial scar like Play-Doh and a Velco-looking wig) who cuts a deal with Cage and packs him off to Prague. Xander penetrates a plug-ugly posse of perpetrators known as 'Anarchy 99.' Led by Yorgi (New Zealand actor Marton Csoka who played Celeborn in "The Lord of the Rings") and his cold-as-ice concubine Yelena (sexy Asia Argento, renowned Italian horror movie maestro Dario Argento's daughter), these nefarious nihilists party hardy with German metal band Rammstein when they aren't assembling a hydrofoil sub to deploy their biological weapon named 'Silent Night.'.

Director Rob Cohen shrewdly shuns subtlety in "xXx" for the sake of super-charged sensationalism. This invigorating but uninspired PG-13 rated epic features a gratuitous number of superbly-choreographed car chases, acrobatic motorcycle antics, and ear- splitting gunplay, along with several obvious anti-substance abuse messages. Watching "xXx" is the cinematic equivalent of chomping a giant, greasy, triple-decker cheeseburger.