Review of X-Men: First Class (2011) by Dallasdog — 04 Jun 2011

First, wow! They had legions of females in panties and bras in a non R movie, how did they do that? I guess they know their teenage boy audience pretty well. Writing? What writing? The plot was oddly compressed into short flashes of empty action, often repetitive dialog and outright dull in spots.

The movie was uninterested in showing important elements in the character's development, most of the powerful moments in each character's life were hinted at for a moment before the plot rolled on. 4 screen writers in the credits -- it shows.

The worst? (spoiler) When the young Magneto is urged then tortured by witnessing his mother's death into releasing his powers. How could he not use them against his mother's killer and eliminate him like he killed the guards? Instead he reluctantly bonds, we assume, since its never shown, with his tormentor, or at least passively goes off with him.

Sort of set the mood for the rest of the movie's narrative. Mystique shows up naked and blue (at 11, pushing the exposure boundaries again) expelled from her previous life, which goes unseen and undescribed.

Later, when other mutants are recruited then trained hurriedly, it feels forced and unimaginative, like the writers knew they had to include this to make any sense of the later movie but weren't worried about making it either interesting, funny, or believable.

The worst tech effects were in the submarine, which seems more like a Hugh Hefner playboy palace underwater where crew members are casually clicking at crew stations, like they're waiting for dinner, not interested in the massive mayhem they intend to unleash.

The Atomic power plant was absurd, nuff said. Finally, I have to vote Kevin Bacon the nicest, heartless, cruel bad guy in the movies. He has no electricity as an evil genius and his sudden acquisition of a mutant power feels like they'd shot the first half of the movie, then had a writer's conference and decided he needed one as well.

All in all, shoddy work, showing how little respect Hollywood has for its customers and their ability to discern a quick and dirty script from a decent, well thought out one. Who's giving these people all this money? I do however, hope they keep stuffing in more hot ladies in bra and panties in these teen angst/super hero movies -- perhaps teen aged girls soon, sweaty and chattering as they change out of their skimpy cheerleader outfits -- a trend I feel most puberty wracked males have hoped for since their voices cracked and the girls around them began scowling at their lame, pimply, smiling attempts to hook up.