Review of X-Men: Apocalypse (2016) by Bryanfurysmom — 24 Sep 2016

There's a whole bunch of reasons why X-Men:Apocalypse is such a terrible horrible mess of a movie. It could be because all of the characters are severely under-developed to the point that no one cares what happens to them.

Quicksilver, Psylocke, Angel, NightCrawler, Havok, Cyclops, Jean Grey, Storm. These are all characters that we met in the film but were not explained at all or nearly enough for anyone to care about them.

Psylocke (Olivia Munn) looked great. Ok, she looked like Olivia Munn cosplaying as Psylocke which if you know Olivia Munn isn't actually that amazing, since it's sorta her thing. However, I can't recall her having more than a couple of lines in the film and most of the time she was just standing around as a background lackey.

Not much different from Storm and Angel, the other so-called "four horsemen" of Apocalypse (the 4th being Magneto). At some point in the film Quicksilver randomly shows up and does something super cool.

...the best sequence of the film actually.....but unfortunately as a result of what happened, someone who is supposed to be a major character but didn't get any film time died. I'm shedding a tear as we speak.

Of course, this film is called "X-men: Apocalypse" and so if I didn't talk about the blue guy himself, it just wouldn't be right. Ah, Apocalypse. What the hell happened to you? People who don't read X-Men comics, read the following words carefully: Apocalypse is one of the scariest mofos in the Marvel Universe.

He is a villain that causes superheroes to crap their pants when he shows up looking to cause trouble. This is a guy who is so evil, so powerful, so insane...that he has tortured and massacred some of the most well known X-Men in the past and literally changed the entire timeline of the Marvel Universe for awhile (see Age of Apocalypse).

Now, with that in mind, WTF was Singer thinking when he gave us....this....this....ugly blue guy in horrible looking samurai armor? This film's Apocalypse is nothing compared to the Apocalypse of the Marvel Universe.

This film's Apocalypse looks like a mutant Smurf that's been drinking one too many potions in Gargamel's laboratory. He's small, he's puny, he's ridiculous. I did not feel like the X-Men were in danger when I saw him on screen.

Everytime I saw him, I couldn't help but laugh. He didn't strike fear or terror or make me anxious to see what happens next. All I could think about was how stupid he looked and acted. Ooooh, I'm going to destroy the world and rebuild it the way I like.

Great plan, buddy. Because 20,000 villains before you haven't had the same plan and pulled it off successfully, right? That's not Apocalypse's M.O. And the way that they defeated him. Really? This isn't a spoiler by the way.

I mean it's an "X-Men" movie. Obviously the X-Men are going to win, right? But the way he was defeated was so ridiculous and so easy compared to what other things the X-Men have gone up against that it was a total waste of time for them and completely negated any idea that Apocalypse was powerful and menacing in the first place.

C'mon, Singer if you're going to churn out crap like this then man up and give the property back to Marvel so they can atleast do something respectable with it.