Review of Wonder Woman (2017) by Jack L — 09 Jun 2017

Dear Hollywood,.

Look, I know we've had our ups and downs, but overall I've been pretty happy with our relationship. Mostly. I remember all the times I laughed; all the times I cried; and all the lessons I learned through wacky hijinks and nail-biting chases. I'm sorry to say this though, but we need to talk, specifically about DCEU.

I get it, you really really really wanted to set a good example and give DCEU a chance. That's good! Marvel shouldn't be the only big boys out there cranking out blockbuster after blockbuster, but much like a junkie ex that keeps promising they'll clean up, DCEU keeps hurting you. They promise and promise, but you need to start asking if they really love you, Holly.

This most recent chance they wanted to be brazen and give us a movie with a strong female. Fantastic! I'm ready for it! That's something I can get behind!

But Hollywood...DCEU broke my heart again the moment they had the goddess that was flipping tanks and leveling buildings not even ten minutes ago melt into a puddle of schoolgirl-like naivete as she stared into the baby blues of Chris Pine. Look, just because you have a boy and a girl in the same movie doesn't mean they have to start k-i-s-s-i-n-g, especially when you're trying to empower half of our real population using a cultural icon.

4 stars for a great start, but minus 1 star for a forced relationship that was not necessary. Also I read (we walked out of the theater after the previously-mentioned scene) that you changed Diana's origin story to yet again unnecessarily wedge a strong male into her past. So minus another star for that one.

Also I heard your fight scene at the end was long and stupid, much like Man of Steel - which my wife fell asleep during, I'll add. Minus a half star for not learning from that mistake.

Finally, one more half star for too much slow motion, which I know is all the rage but again...not necessary. I suppose I shouldn't hold that against you though since I knew Zack Snyder was involved, so I'll give you that half star back. But then I'm gonna take it away again because I remember Suicide Squad. Never forget Suicide Squad.

DCEU only gets one more chance from me with Batgirl (Whedon is love...Whedon is life). After that, I'm done with DCEU entirely. You can only take so much in an abusive relationship before you realize that enough is enough.Dear Hollywood,.

Look, I know we've had our ups and downs, but overall I've been pretty happy with our relationship. Mostly. I remember all the times I laughed; all the times I cried; and all the lessons I learned through wacky hijinks and nail-biting chases. I'm sorry to say this though, but we need to talk, specifically about DCEU.

I get it, you really really really wanted to set a good example and give DCEU a chance. That's good! Marvel shouldn't be the only big boys out there cranking out blockbuster after blockbuster, but much like a junkie ex that keeps promising they'll clean up, DCEU keeps hurting you. They promise and promise, but you need to start asking if they really love you, Holly.

This most recent chance they wanted to be brazen and give us a movie with a strong female. Fantastic! I'm ready for it! That's something I can get behind!

But Hollywood...DCEU broke my heart again the moment they had the goddess that was flipping tanks and leveling buildings not even ten minutes ago melt into a puddle of schoolgirl-like naivete as she stared into the baby blues of Chris Pine. Look, just because you have a boy and a girl in the same movie doesn't mean they have to start k-i-s-s-i-n-g, especially when you're trying to empower half of our real population using a cultural icon.

4 stars for a great start, but minus 1 star for a forced relationship that was not necessary. Also I read (we walked out of the theater after the previously-mentioned scene) that you changed Diana's origin story to yet again unnecessarily wedge a strong male into her past. So minus another star for that one.

Also I heard your fight scene at the end was long and stupid, much like Man of Steel - which my wife fell asleep during, I'll add. Minus a half star for not learning from that mistake.

Finally, one more half star for too much slow motion, which I know is all the rage but again...not necessary. I suppose I shouldn't hold that against you though since I knew Zack Snyder was involved, so I'll give you that half star back. But then I'm gonna take it away again because I remember Suicide Squad. Never forget Suicide Squad.

DCEU only gets one more chance from me with Batgirl (Whedon is love...Whedon is life). After that, I'm done with DCEU entirely. You can only take so much in an abusive relationship before you realize that enough is enough.