Review of Wonder Woman (2017) by Theshrike222 — 29 Sep 2017

I tried really hard to give this movie a chance. I don't like superhero movies generally, but this was recommended to me by others who don't like the genre and thought it had great moments with a female hero at the center and a decent story. Of course, this requires that you are able to ignore inevitable goofs and immerse yourself in the movie.

If I had started watching it after about three drinks there's a small possibility I could get to that place, because Wonder Woman I requires turning off 2/3 of your brain and enjoy some pretty decent cinematography and eye candy actors. Definitely a minimum of drunkeness to ignore the stupid rubber costume that only needs ears and a tail to qualify for the Playboy Bunny Club. To ignore an abuse of Greek mythology that makes Clash of the Titans look good by comparison. (I know this is a DC universe story but COME ON!!) It takes great restrain to limit my comments to the fact that Diana was a ROMAN goddess. ARTEMIS is the original Greek, not associated with the Amazons definitely associated with chastity. (big bummer for Steve there), Ares (Greek) was one of the dumbest gods in the pantheon, and ONLY Zeus(Greek) got to play with thunder/lightning bolts. Then there is the utterly predictable, cheesy dialogue, cardboard minority characters to "round out" the story. Tons of magic bullets, behavior that isn't naive its circus clownish. (Dress Diana up so she blends in, which she gets, but then walks out holding her sword and shield in the most obvious manner possible?! And she's supposed to have a brain under that perfectly coiffed hair?!?) Oh, and a plot that doesn't have holes, it has giant sucking black holes of ridiculousness. For example. Okay, so Diana knows dozens of languages because her barbarian but highly civilized island has been around forever. Great. BUT MODERN ENGLISH DIDN'T EVEN EXIST UNTIL THE 15TH CENTURY. Unless naughty Amazons sneak out routinely to mingle with the mortals, they should only be well versed in languages from 5th century BC. And frankly, if they are sneaking out to bone up on the local lingo, they might just pick up something better than bronze age weapons. Cause, steel is a lot stronger ya know? And those spiffy gauntlets and little shield may repel bullets, but that still leaves the legs, arms, torso and head available for nice messy gunshot wounds.

A second example that had me screaming at the tv screen. Our main characters travel from somewhere (supposedly) in the Aegean Sea to London on a two person fishing punt, no supplies, no food, no MAPS & everybody taking a nice nap after setting the GPS locator instead of steering. It arrives in a few days after encountering a tug boat (?!?!) to pull them up the Thames. If they'd made the Amazons' island a floating mystic thing that travels around the world, it would at least have some shred of internal logic. I don't demand accuracy from a fantasy story, but having internal logic is a pretty low bar to clear and this clunker smacks into that bar head first.