Review of Woman on Top (2000) by Marcus W — 26 Feb 2009

FUCK!!!! Damn stupid film! It was going brilliantly: Penelope falls in love with Mr. handsome, slick and smooth, he treats her like crap, so she leaves and then thanks to a nifty witchcraft subplot has her love for him taken away. She goes to America where she's a success - getting her own cooking show, but husband follows and tries everything to get her back. Meanwhile she meets another guy who's genuinely decent and infinitely more likeable, but instead of bringing out "the passion" in him (this movie is all about "passion"), she undoes the spell and goes back to her ex!! Sure, to start with he lets her go on top, and doesn't shove her away in the kitchen anymore, but he never really changes and you don't believe that within a few weeks he won't be cheating on her again. All through the film I found myself wishing he would get hit by a tram (this being set in San Francisco), but no. Penelope Cruz is good in this and it does feel a tad biographical: woman goes to America to make the most of her talents but everyone just wants to see her breasts.

In my head I'm going to imagine that she didn't go back with the greasy latin crooner, but as that's only in my head this film only deserves two stars.