Review of Witless Protection (2008) by Roderick D — 08 Jul 2008

I'm sure nothing would make the filmmakers of Witless Protection happier than me calling the film witless, so instead i'll call it what it is, inane and jejune, and wait for them to look up their Heinneman to understand what I'm talking about.

After the first initial light hearted chuckles, I thought this film was going to be silly and simple. Boy was I wrong, this film is atrocious, as it can't even string together the scenes they've concocted into any sort of logical continuity to tell a coherent story. Even the writers of 'Meet the Spartans' were able to do that, and the weren't even trying! To say this film is witless is like calling an average intelligent person mentally challenged. They're not! They should know better! They're stupid! Stupid, just like this film!

I want to say the Larry the Cable Guy and Jenny McCarthy should know better, but they actually give the better performances in this film, giving their all while other people who should know better, are hamming it up, and at certain moments, down right not even trying! Like Yaphet Kotto (Alien), Joe Mantegna (Bugsy) and Peter Stormare (Fargo) should know better! Alan C. Blomquist (who executive produced 'Of Mice and Men:1992', 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape' and 'A Little Princess:1995') should know better. And to think he contributed to the writing along with the writer/director Charles Robert Carner (writer-Blind Fury, writer/director-Who Killed Atlanta's Children?) should know better. I just feel like rolling up a newspaper and hitting them on the tips of their cold noses to teach them a lesson! Argh!

When the highlight of the film is a possum in the glove compartment in the first fifteen minutes of your movie, you should know you have a bad movie, and try to fix it! Instead we have the witless, hapless, humorless, senseless film that we all need to be protected from.