Review of Wind River (2017) by Justinishard — 17 Dec 2018

My Review for Wind River.

What a **** piece of **** 107 mins of utter despair and self-loathing. If you enjoy nonstop wallowing in misery and reveling in sadness, then this movie is for you. But if you like things that are enjoyable, stay the **** away. I wanted to pass the characters a razor so they could cut their wrists just get it over with. **** kill yourself people! Do us all a favor. Stop celebrating your depression and man the **** up! Put a gun in your mouth and blow your god damn head off. I know I wanted to after watching this catastrophe of contemporary film-making. Hollywood is just about worthless in 2018. They’ve lowered the bar so **** low that even failed actor pretty-boy hack Taylor Sheridan can have a burgeoning career. What movie was he trying to make? On one hand we have a chilly murder mystery set in an admittedly enticing locale. On the other hand we have stale social commentary on the Native American condition. We get it. Nature scary. White people evil. Indians love to **** You’re offered us nothing new or interesting Taylor **** this guy). It’s clear Taylor **** is extremely out of his depths writing a mystery film. There is zero detective work done in this film. Anybody could have solved it! Step One: Go find dead chick’s brother. Step Two: Happen to find convenient trail to another dead body. Step Three: Go visit dead bodies home. Step Four: Ultra contrived and grotesque flashback that conveniently gives the audience all the answers because Taylor isn’t a good writer and wasn’t able to actually write characters fitting clues together to ultimately solve a murder. This is the most by the numbers, linear borefest of a mystery I’ve ever **** seen. The only detective work so to speak of is following three day old tracks in snow that are magically still there after constant blizzards. How **** retarded is that? Has Taylor ever seen the snow? It covers **** you retard. And don’t even get me started on Elizabeth Olson’s thong shot... However I will say that was the one rare glimmer of hope I felt in this bleak nightmare of a story. Her performance as an FBI agent was painful. How does she get acting jobs? She’s awful. I’d like to continue onto the other thousand or so problems with this film but you know? **** it. I’m tired and this movie doesn’t deserve another second of my time.