Review of Wild Things 2 (2004) by John B — 18 Sep 2004

Yeah, I know, I know. It was kind of like being in line at the grocery store and picking up that copy of [i]People[/i] with the [b]Olsen twins[/b] on the cover; an impulse buy. And the cover of [i]Wild Things 2[/i] features a soaking wet [b]Susan[/b] [b]Ward[/b], which is hard for me to resist. So, I'm in line at the video store, I see [i]Wild Things 2[/i], and you know, it just ends up on top of the stack. That's just the way it goes sometimes.

[i]Wild Things 2[/i], for the uninitiated, is the sequel to the Florida sleaze-fest, [i]Wild Things[/i], which featured as its centerpiece a three-way sex scene between [b]Matt Dillon, Neve Campbell[/b], and [b]Denise Richards[/b], in which they doused each other's nude bodies with champagne to celebrate some vague double-cross as palm fronds rustled outside the motel room. You can imagine the cinematic nuance one might expect from a sequel.

[i]Wild Things[/i] is part of a great tradition of cheesy deep South sex noir that includes [i]Palmetto[/i], [i]The Big Easy[/i], [i]Angelheart[/i], and many others too negligible to name. In fact, a straight-to-video sequel to [i]Wild Things[/i] needs a subtitle, to be certain, maybe [i]Wild Things 2: Passion and Mayhem[/i] [i]at Crotch-Level Creek[/i]. Or perhaps more accurately, [i]Wild Things 2: More[/i] [i]of the Same[/i].

Your enjoyment of [i]Wild Things 2[/i] is predicated almost entirely on how attractive you find [b]Susan Ward[/b] ([i]Taken[/i]). I, for one, find her very attractive, which explains this rather bizarre video rental choice, and which also earns the film it's generous 4 rating. [i]Wild Things 2[/i] is a bad movie, but not entirely unwatchable. Characters cross and double cross each other almost out of a sense of necessity, as if they're aware an audience came to watch them screw each other over, so they might as well. Every scene is shot from down low, with palm trees in the background, in order to attempt to establish the luxury of the surroundings. The characters talk and flirt, but they are all bark and no bite. You could play a drinking game with [i]Wild Things 2[/i], if you took a shot every time a character entered a scene glistening mildly. The film features a rather tame three-way sex scene in which [b]Susan Ward[/b] is the female who leaves her top on, presumably to keep in touch with the path forged by the seminal [i]Wild Things[/i], and [b]Neve Campbell[/b]'s similar refusal to do nudity.

In fact, the squareness of this film provides much of the entertainment value. There are TWO slo-mo scenes of females playing beach volleyball, and the angles and music are meant to titillate, but the girls are all wearing very, very modest sports bras, so the whole thing comes off as funny. This movie's badness defies logic, yet I didn't turn it off. That, in and of itself, defies explanation.