Review of Whiteout (2009) by William B — 20 Mar 2010

I was expecting bad but this is shockingly bad, notably in its lapses in basic filmmaking fundamentals. For instance, there's a scene where Kate Beckinsale talks with a superior, and the editing cuts back and forth in the middle of every damn line between a medium shot of the actress and a close-up. The jarring effect feels like the movie is punching you in the face. The movie can't even get watching conversations right! This Antarctica-set murder mystery seems like a neat idea until you realize it's just another lousy slasher movie, albeit in an exotic location. The Antarctica location is mostly used to make sure that nobody can tell what the hell's going on. Furious white flurries of snow pretty much make the onscreen action oblique, like you're trying to look through a dirty window and comprehend what's happening. The plot sets up a wealth of disposable characters and patently obvious suspects (Gee, will the weird, tattooed pilot have something to do with a body dropped from a plane? Stay tuned). It's all pretty stupid with no real room for brain-dead thrills because the technical craft is so shoddy. However, the movie did make it clear that when, not if, the CSI franchise expands, they need to set it in Antarctica.

Nate's Grade: C-.