Review of What Lies Beneath (2000) by Dean K — 25 Sep 2017

I thought this was a very good movie worthy of a 5-star rating and it was actually so good that back in 2001 when it was first released I bought the limited-edition DVD which cost me $199.99 but I think it was a good deal because only 50 of them were made and the DVD cover was personally autographed by the person who designed the DVD cover and it also came with a free bumper sticker and the bumper sticker was also personally autographed by the person who designed the bumper sticker but the bumper sticker was designed by the same person who designed the DVD cover so it was kind of pointless having two autographs by the same person but I still thought it was cool and all my friends at work high-fived me for having an autographed bumper sticker on my car even though they had never seen the movie before but anyways I was wondering if anybody else out there has ever seen the director's cut included on the limited-edition DVD because I thought that was pretty good too and there's this one scene where Claire comes home and catches Norman fingering the dog's butthole and she's pretty incensed about it and threatens to call the ASPCA and then he reveals that years of her middle-age frigidity drove him to desperate measures like interspecies intimacy and having vivid sexual fantasies about female video game protagonists and then there's a knock at the door and it's their neighbors Warren and Mary asking if they could buy a few old magazines if they have any sitting around because they forgot that it was their niece's birthday and they needed to whip up a makeshift gift really fast and Claire says "This is a really bad time right now so-" but she's abruptly interrupted by Warren who leans in through the doorway and mentions how he couldn't help overhearing their argument then asks Norman if him and Mary would also be allowed to finger the dog's butthole sometime maybe and Claire is about to get mad but she just stands there motionless and there's an awkward 30-second silence because it turns out that Michelle Pfeiffer actually didn't read that far into the script and had no idea what to say and then she tried to fake her way out of it by quietly singing that Nancy Sinatra song "These Boots Are Made For Walkin'" under her breath and doing this creepy rigid dance that elicited feelings of eeriness and revulsion which kind of looked like the way an elderly person would dance if they had limited mobility but felt obligated to feign enthusiasm at their grandchild's wedding reception and this is when the director shouts something inaudible and the camera turns off so I guess that's why a director's cut is called a director's cut and also if there is anybody out there who wants to see the director's cut DVD I could burn a copy and mail it to you but only on the condition that you add me on Skype so we can talk every night (this is negotiable but the minimum is 5 nights a week) because I'm lonely ever since I got sentenced to house arrest for systematically stalking Michelle Pfeiffer.