Review of Werewolf (1996) by William S — 20 Nov 2018

Based on the title, you've probably already guessed what this movie is about. That's right, archeology! Specifically, an archeology dig in Arizona that unearths the fossilized skeleton of a Native American werewolf, which proceeds to infect various people through a series of increasingly unlikely hijinks. This movie tries to set itself apart from other werewolf flicks with bits of Indian legend, which are quickly forgotten and come to very little. What does set Werewolf apart from the competition is the inclusion of what may well be cinema's only werewolf car chase. It's also noteworthy for being very, very bad.

The acting, dialog, camera work, and bland, generic soundtrack are frequently reminiscent of a middling soap opera. Lines are often delivered with no emotion whatsoever. It's like the actors are on downers. In fact, aside from Joe Estevez I see no evidence any of the actors had any experience beyond soaps or community theatre. Yes, Martin Sheen's brother is in this movie, usually looking like he has no idea what he's doing in this movie. Oh well, beats doing Roller Gator! Strangely, he's relegated to a fairly minor supporting role despite being the only recognizable actor in this movie. I suppose paying him enough to be the lead would have broken the bank.

Because trust me, the budget for this movie is very low, and it shows in nearly every scene. Despite the desert location, few of the vistas are what you would call scenic. The night scenes are so poorly shot that it's frequently hard to tell what's happening. The sound recording and editing are particularly incompetent, even by the standards of this movie. There are many points where you can't understand what the actors are saying. Although the sound quality isn't the only thing to blame for that...

And the effects are just bad. The werewolf costumes are all over the place. The first mask looks decent aside from the lifeless eyes, but the subsequent masks and hands are clearly just store-bought Halloween costumes, some of which look more like a bear or a bat than a wolf. This movie doesn't try to show a proper transformation sequence, but the afflicted individuals do appear to have a rather serious skin rash before going full-on wolf man.

It is also undeniable that the plot- if this movie can be said to have one- makes absolutely no sense. In the end, Werewolf leaves me with so many unanswered questions. To wit-.

Why is Yuri such a jerk and why the hell does he keep turning people into werewolves?

Why has no-one fired him or pressed charges?

Why don't the main protagonists show up 'till halfway through the movie?

What is up with these accents!? This movie is set in Arizona and shot in California, but aside from a couple of Navajo characters, everyone sounds like they're from Eastern Europe or the Middle East. You half expect Tommy Wiseau to pop out.

What are a pile of oil drums doing in the middle of a major road?

What is a gun toting property keeper who looks like a redneck Fidel Castro doing in this movie? And how do you explain quotes like "I just found out Count Dracula was a f****t"?

No wait. On second thought don't try to explain it. A line this perfectly insane can't be explained and doesn't need explaining. It deserves to be enjoyed in all its glorious awfulness. If only the rest of movie were as hilariously bad, rather than just oddly so. But hey, Mike and the 'bots did a good job with it, so might as well checkout their version.