Review of Water for Elephants (2011) by Themostbrian — 06 May 2011

Water for Elephants is a reasonably entertaining movie that will get ahold of you emotionally if you're not careful. Unfortunately, it has several significant flaws that really kill the overall product.

1. Robert Pattinson is an awful actor. He makes Reese Witherspoon look like Helen Mirren and we all know that Reese is not that great of an actress. Pattinson obviously tries hard to display different types of emotion but his face just ends up looking the same almost every time. We can only daydream about what someone like Ewan McGregor would've done with this role.

2. The writing is subpar at best. The storyline is obvious from the very beginning and the characters are far too shallow to be compelling - The good guys (Pattinson) are perfect virtuous heroes and the bad guys (Waltz) are heinous and sub-human villains. There is literally not a single character who displays even a consistent modicum of moral ambiguity and that makes the story a non-starter in terms of believability.

3. There is ONE prominent female character in this movie and she is a weak figure dependent on males around her for everything. What' more, her eventual 'liberation' from an abusive relationship is nothing of the sort - it's simply moving from one dependency to another. These are old school gender roles and relationships - The man has to save the poor defenseless woman and not 'save her' so she can find herself and be strong in her own personhood and self, but rather 'save her' to be his own. It's a story where women are treated as objects and possessions and even the kindest and most loving men are essentially still in charge of the woman's destiny. The movie never outs its bias on this matter and treats it as though it is settled fact - Clearly, it was not settled fact in the 1930s and it is not settled fact now.

All in all, despite these criticisms, the movie was entertaining if you set your expectations low and turn off the critical portion of your brain - If you show up just to be entertained, you will be entertained. If you show up looking for wonderful acting, strong writing and believable plot/characters, you will be sorely disappointed.