Review of Watchmen (2009) by Emilya — 10 Mar 2009

This is possibly the most foul, violent, trite, morally reprehensible pastiche of American cinema ever. Even if I were blind to everything that is offensive about it, its pure aesthetic and entertainment merits alone are enough to make me want to nauseated.

That it is earning millions of dollars in the box office and earning high ratings on every movie site suggests to me numerous choice reflections on American society. A brief, albeit comprehensive overview: So.

..the world is about to go into the last stages of annihilation and the only one that can save it is a blue full-frontal stand-in for god. The most eloquent ambassador that is sent on behalf of humankind is a leather booted large-breasted bimbo who stomps when she doesn't get her way? This is because our day-glo god left his loyal physicist wife for the tramp and apparently she is the most precious thing mankind has left to offer, even though she sluts it around with everyone else.

Unfortunately for mankind, she seems more traumatized by the discovery of her illegitimate birth than the hundreds of millions of people that are about to die. But luckily for her, the people do get bombed to a grotesque withering mass death but we discover that her mother loves her so it's OK.

It's offensive on every level imaginable. Pregnant women get shot. Women get raped, but return for more. Little girls are mutilated and fed to dogs, but this violence is justified by more violence (sound familiar?).

Namely, in this case, the masked avenger hacking the kidnapper with an ax until there is nothing left but some bloody pulpy mass. But worse it doesn't just try to be gratuitous violence married with the most vulgar and cliché adolescent pornography--I'd let 300 slide--the sickening part is that it comports itself as a profound redemptive reflection on mankind.

As if all that was done was justified by some shoddy mythological and not even arcane historical references and piss poor attempt at a discussion on Deism. The most ironic part of the film is its attempt to critique the violence and repulsive aspects of human nature but then perpetuates it by tainting the minds of anyone who watched with its filth.

In my comfortable liberal existence, I never once considered censorship as an issue to be discussed, but I would happily censor this one. and, Anyone who enjoyed the movie should reconsider their consumptive and putrid existence.