Review of Walking Tall (2004) by Sarah B — 27 Jun 2010

At first sight, this movie tells the story of a man returning home, who finds his town is taken over by a local casino, and rather then bend, decides to "Walk Tall" and rid his home of the bad guys.

But from my fucked up point of view, I see a different story.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson returns home as a ex-special forces agent. An old friend who owns a casino named "The Wild Cherry" graciously offers him a comped night in his VIP room, including drinks, gambling, and hot-as-fuck women. His dumb friend however loses some money while gambling, and rather then just walk away, "The Rock" decides to fight everyone in the casino and start smashing shit.

Later, after security decides not to press charges for his assault and battery, they take the high road and offer "The Rock" a position as head of security. He has no job, and it's quite an friendly and thoughtful offer, but he turns them down, and not even nicely.

His dipshit brother decides to snort crystal meth that he bought from an employee at the casino (wow, some guy at a casino sells drugs?), he decides to go to the Wild Cherry again, with a 2 by 4, smash everything in sight. Oh, and also attack all of the employees. So some guy working there get's the piss knocked out of him, just because a co-worker of his sold some dipshit some meth. While leaving, "The Rock" is rightly arrested.

In court, facing presumably hard time for felony assault, destruction of private property, and a slew of other criminal charges, he decides to defend himself, and his whole defense is that if they find him innocent, he'll grace them by running for town sheriff. Who wouldn't want a sheriff on trial for aggravated assault, right?

Of course, since he's "The Rock", they find him innocent, and he becomes sheriff. He then chooses his ex-felon friend as his deputy, and begins harassing anyone connected with the casino.

Being tired of the harassment, the employees of Wild Cherry decide to fight back, but "The Rock" and his deputy kill them all. The end.

And all because his dumbass friend lost some money at the beginning of the movie.