Review of Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008) by Skyler B — 22 Jan 2013

Ah, crumb! Woody Allen fails to impress me, here. Not only that, but he pissed me off. This is a terrible movie, deplorable in every aspect. There isn't a character here that is likeable. They are all terrible, terrible people that should be shot. I was actually going to be happy when one of the characters DID get shot, but when she didn't... I felt better, anyhow. Now she has to live a life of mild-unhappiness being married to a man that loves her dearly. Serves her right.

Bardem's character is awesome and, like all of his other films, he portrays this guy really well, but he is sad and pathetic and a horrible human being. If the engaged chick is going to hit on him, whatever, she's got problems, but she affirmed herself completely and he didn't let up, then acted like a dick when she tried to fess up to her feelings. He is a jerk and I hated him throughout the film.

The two women, Vicky and Cristina, are sad sacks. Cristina was the only interesting character in the movie, but was too flat a character to carry a movie by herself (I assume that is why Allen added the other characters), and Vicky deserves the fate she has of having to live with the guy she no longer wants.

But the real character here that is sick and twisted is the old woman, the one that "isn't in love with her husband anymore". When the narration makes note of how she is going to try and get Bardem and and Hall's characters together despite the fact that she's already married to the man "she wanted", the audience laughed. I could have shot them all. That isn't funny. She is a damn homewrecker and - you know what? - not a nice person. She, too, deserves a life of living with a guy she doesn't love anymore becuase, you know what, being killed would be the easy way out.

I can't in good concience suggest this movie to anyone aside from bitter old women that no one would want to hang out with, anyhow. Anyone that likes this movie is dumb and should be shot out of a cannon. And into the sun. Garbage.