Review of Veronica Guerin (2003) by Rich B — 28 Jun 2005

[b]War of the Worlds (Spielberg, 2005): B+.

[/b]Stevo and Tommy take a big "What If?" premise and twist it into a "What Would You Do?" amusement park ride of a movie. It's a relentless question that hounds the audience as we run along with Tommy trying to outrun Big Bad Aliens so that Scientology can live to see another day. But it's a pretty cool question to be asked during the summer, when we're used to jigglly bits, both male and female, and caped crusaders saving us so that we can live to see another day of jiggly bits. Tommy runs well, and sweet Dakota Fanning chalks one up in the not-that-annoying column, as they do what they must to survive. Even if the special effects vary in a rather un-Spielbergian inconsistency, they are still like pizza - as in you'd still it eat when cold (when the first ships arrive - let's say I wouldn't have minded a minute in the microwave oven), and no one else can [i]mesh[/i] those effects with a story and live action like the good ol' Schindler boy. It's good people, enjoy it.

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[b]Primer (Carruth, 2004): B+.

[/b]The writer/director/coffee guy/makeupper/toothpuller/lead/transvestite/balloon popper Shane Carruth is a handsome man, and he appears to be smart. At least, he purports to be smarter than his audience, but never lets on because he doesn't give away any of his secrets. So who's really smarter, us or him, or no one? That seems to be the biggest question here as Carruth sets up a nifty time travel conundrum plot, plays with it, and then leaves it on the family room floor for the next Mensa kids to come around and deduce what sort of play just occurred. I think I know who killed Mr. Body, but I'm not sure, and I'm actually a bit afraid to pull back the curtain and learn that the Wizard isn't as much of a hottie as Carruth is. Is that the sign of a solid movie? Maybe not - but that doesn't make it automatically crap either. So.

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[b]The Grudge (Shimizu, 2004): C+.

[/b]Just because the story is non-linear does not make it good. Just because people die does not make it scary. And just because Jason Behr (from my Top Ten Hot Men list, if you recall, and I'm sure you do) is in a movie, apparently he isn't required to take off his shirt. Shame, really, cuz I would have totally upped the grade to a B- for some Jason belly. I'm very giving.

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[b]Veronica Guerin (Shumacher, 2003): C.

[/b]Somebody save me. I'm trying to complete the Colin Farrell filmography, and even though this movie has him, he's only in it for a completely irrelevant cameo. And he doesn't have sex with anything.

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[b]Road to El Dorado (Bergeron and Finn, 2000): C.

[/b]Somebody save me. This movie features the voice of Rosie Perez, and I understood every word she said.