Review of Van Helsing (2004) by Tom V — 13 Jun 2011

I saw Van Helsing three times in theatres, and I would have gone back for a fourth if it stayed in the theatre another week. And even though I have since tried to rewatch it only to discover that yes, it's awful, there's something about the movie that compels me to give it a three star rating. For all its faults, Van Helsing is an entertaining adventure flick, the sort of movie best viewed with an empty mind. The slightest thought makes the movie unentertaining if not entirely unwatchable.

Hugh Jackman plays Gabriel Van Helsing, a man who is charged by the Vatican to dispatch the forces of evil by any means necessary. He's joined by Carl (David Wenham), a friar with a penchant for explosives and wenching, in a quest to destroy the evil vampire Dracula. They are joined by Kate Beckinsale's character Anna, a gypsy princess with a score to settle and a sword she likes to draw but never use. I know this because I counted: for the nine times she actually brandishes her weapon, Anna uses it only twice, and neither time is to kill something. That's a shame, given that Anna has the coolest weapon in the movie next to Van Helsing's flame thrower and fedora.

The plot, you'll notice, is derivative. It's a formula that's been used so many times, it's almost not worth writing again. Yet Stephen Sommers infuses it with so much vigor, so much IT, that it would take a seriously jaded viewer to resist the film's charms. Sure, the direction is chaotic and the dialogue is terrible; true, the performances are campy and over the top. But everybody in this movie is having a good time in spite of and, at times, because of the inconsistencies, plot holes, and general insanity. I think Hugh Jackman can take most of the credit, because he's having a great time on screen. He's running around, killing bad guys, flirting with gypsy princesses, and bantering with David Wenham so well that it's hard not to invest oneself into the movie in some capacity. His disbelief has been suspended; why hasn't yours? Obviously, the film loses a lot when it's not in theatres, but it's still a fun movie to kill two hours with. Enjoy!