Review of Valiant (2005) by Markb. — 26 Sep 2005

Why, in the name of all that's decent and fair, didn't Disney just give Pixar anything and everything they wanted just to stay on? It's not like Disney's most recent traditional animation ventures, Brother Bear and Home on the Range, did much to uphold or advance their legend OR fill their coffers, and this lame CGI effort wasn't as much released into theaters as sneaked in.

(Perhaps that's why the very few posters on display for this could get away with the title character flashing what could be construed by someone or other as a peace sign less than 2 years after Amanda Bynes had her photographic arm sliced off for showing one in the ad for What A Girl Wants.

) Unattractively animated characters and backgrounds perfunctory enough that I was surprised not to see the same two trees and a building repeated endlessly start to sink this story about a runty but intrepid carrier pigeon who proves himself a hero in battle and to his avian squadron.

..and completely undistinguished vocal characterizations (shockingly by such top British talent as John Hurt and Ricky Gervais) submerge it altogether. (Ewan Macgregor also voiced a lead in Robots earlier this year, and strikes out a second time here; why is it that he can do a memorable, letter-perfect impersonation of a young Alec Guinness in the Star Wars prequels but be so utterly forgettable behind a mike?) The most puzzling aspect of Valiant is that I still have absolutely no idea whom it's aimed at; all the 1940s jokesw (with a few James Bond and Dirty Harry references thrown in) are way over the kids' heads, and adults who've seen the Toy Storys, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles--in fact, ANYTHING Pixar's done--will find Valiant way too slow-moving and low-wattage.

(And let's not even bring up Nick Park's wonderful Chicken Run, which succeeded in everything Valiant failed at; the former was cagey enough to provide a simple but funny and exciting poultry-versus-people storyline for children and then overlay it with plenty of witty references to P.

O.W. movies like The Great Escape and Stalag 17 for parents and guardians.) I can only guess that Valiant's best audience would be any vet of The Big One who intended to see The Great Raid, discovered that it left the multiplex a month ago, and still has a jones to see something--ANYTHING--World War II-related.

Many other viewers will resuscitate memories of the only other pigeons-at-war cartoon that comes to mind, the relatively short-lived (but it's on DVD!) late 1960s Hanna-Barbera Saturday morning opus Dastardly and Muttley in Their Flying Machines.

..and be seriously tempted to start a chorus of "Stop That Pigeon...