Review of Valhalla Rising (2009) by Phil S — 13 Jan 2011

Which brings us to the film that's far worse than Hunter Prey (yes I saw these one after the other, I was beginning to lose faith in the motion picture industry). A crazy lunatic of a man who kills for his captor (an evil Nordic Chief) called One Eye.

Which brings up the rating for this movie: One Star! This guy One Eye is a great killer though. He doesn't mess around when he becomes untied and gets to kill. And the blood surely does flow when this happens.

Yeah maybe I should say one star for the gore 0 stars for the movie!! He finally breaks free from his shackles and leaves, and there's this kid which follows him wherever he's going (I didn't really care to be honest).

And why would anybody want to follow a crazed loony bird called one eye. Man, you have some serious father issues if you're following this dude! And then what seemed like eternity there's these vikings who stand upon a hill and look to the valleys (or whatever they're looking at) and they keep doing this.

By then I wanted my time back, really I don't get too many films like this expecially foreign ones. I was really excited to see this because I saw the trailer and it looked pretty promising. Who knew the trailer was the best thing about the movie?!! Maybe you'll think it's a masterpiece.

Maybe I fell asleep and only saw the first 30 minutes. I'm almost sure I didn't. No I didn't. I should have though.