Review of Valhalla Rising (2009) by Alex C — 14 Jan 2011

I got bushwhacked by this infuriatingly obtuse and brilliant film. Meaning I watched it all the way through, hoping for a 'Gladiator' pitched battle or at least a bit of Norse 'One Million Years BC' bikini action.

Windng Refn can shoot a mean camera angle but the barbarian in me wished that the late Russ Meyer had got hold of this script before he passed away. Most everyone reviewing this will reference other enigmatic, near masterpieces of cinema as a touchstone and I'm no different.

This film reminded me of Betrand Blier's 'Buffet Froid'. And whilst the ghost of Klaus Kinski wearing an antique helmet definitely hovers above the action, I found myself responding more to existential, Beowulf-like laughter of the gods, throughout every scene.

Mikkelsen does a fine impression of a Dick Cheney hunting buddy and gives Lee Marvin's Walker character from 'Point Blank' a run for his money, in the monolithically cool stakes. I'm not sorry I watched 'Valhalla RIsing' but it's the last time I will.

I'm also very glad I wasn't born 1000 years ago. Far too much mud and disembowelment. And incidentally, whomever wrote the Netflix summary clearly hasn't seen 'Valhalla Rising' and should get fired on the spot for being lazy.

There is NOTHING worse than a film review written by someone who hasn't actually watched the movie in question. Shame on you.