Review of Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) by Matt C — 09 Aug 2017

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is the type of movie that, despite my having had no interest in, I kind of wanted to see. There's something appealing about something that looks like an unabashed mess, and even more so when that messiness seems to be intentional.

It's even more fascinating when it appears that the writer/director was intending all along on making something this idiosyncratic. I've got to say that despite its moments of surrealist pleasure, this is something that more often than not is off its game, and when it's off its game, it's boring.

Despite the energy that's clearly pouring from Besson here, he doesn't give the audience enough (if any) reason to care about what's going on. It's constantly on the move, but because it's plot is so razor-thin and dull, it's on the move to nowhere.

Based on Pierre Christin's comic book series Valérian and Laureline (here played by Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne), the movie takes place in the 28th century where an intergalactic metropolis called Alpha-which was once the International Space Station-and its thousand planets are threatened by an elusive force.

With this, the two special operatives are tasked to work together and track it down and stop the problem and its source in their tracks, or else the universe could come to an end. It's the type of proudly gaudy Euro-heavy material that you would expect if you've seen any of the trailers-it's pure Luc Besson ridiculousness.

Being the most expensive independently financed film in history with an estimated budget of around $200 million, it's quite clear that Valerian is something of pure, undiluted late-period Besson, and it's nice to see that he's so clearly enjoying himself here with such a batshit experience.

Whether or not others will enjoy it, though, is a crapshoot that's fully contingent on how much their mentalities align with Besson's as he made this. Another factor is how long a viewer can endure so much going on and almost nothing seeming to make an effect.

One thing that can't be denied is the sheer energy on display here. The switches between environments, locales, color schemes, and even differing bounds of gravity are breathless. Oddly enough, it's in the last 45 minutes or so that have the most infectious energy, with neon locales and fun, bonkers supporting performances from Ethan Hawke and Rihanna.

Moments like these are where Valerian is more successful in how gleefully non-sequitur it can be, sometimes with such surrealism that the movie act as a reminder of what it could have been had its momentum of been (far) more consistent.

Sure, character dynamics are pretty solid in how they play out, but they're also pretty generic and suffer from really questionable casting. DeHaan and Delevingne seem to be having fun here, but they just don't mesh together in their performances, undercutting what's supposed to be an endearing push-pull between them.

DeHaan suffers the most from not fitting in his role; he's meant to be a cocky player bad boy type, but it never rings true. It's instead like a kid trying to be super cool and instead coming off as cringey.

Similarly, Besson's inability to reign himself in prevents the so-bare-it-barely-exists story from even demonstrating anything close to cohesion. It can be fun to behold at times just because of how weird it is, but it largely makes Valerian feel like a slog.

It's an interesting failure because of how crazy its aesthetic choices often are and how it comes off like a coked-up (and better-but that's not saying much) version of The Phantom Menace in its spirit.

It has knowledge of how weird it is, but that isn't enough when the movie is well over two hours and doesn't go anywhere and Besson gives no reason to care about what occurs. It's really a series of cobbled-together set pieces that would operate for a better viewing experience if you were to watch one single sequence after it's uploaded to YouTube.

As a moviegoing experience, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets has its moments, and there's no doubt about that. As a movie, it doesn't have nearly enough of its moments. It's constantly on the move yet feels like it's never shifted in location, emotion, or time when all is said and done.

Quite honestly, the disappointment arises not from what would he considered to be glaring issues in any other movie, but from the fact that the parts aren't bonkers enough to form a whole that's as ludicrous as it should be.

Something with this much going on shouldn't feel as generic or stagnant as it does. I'm still interested to see whether or not it'll obtain cult status, though, because something tells me that that's all Besson really wanted to earn with his efforts here.

4.3/10, pretty bad, C-, definitely below average, etc.