Review of Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) by Jacob M — 14 Aug 2017

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Review (2017).

The Good.

The Jaw-Dropping Visual Effects.

Cara Delevingne's Charming Performance - Definatley makes up from last years Garbage Movie Suicide Squad.

It Doesn't Take Itself Too Seriously.

The Incredible Universe-Building.

The Supporting Cast Is Terrific - The easy highlights are Ethan Hawke as an eccentric club owner named Jolly the Pimp, and his shape-shifting "entertainer" Bubbles, played in one of the movie's more ludicrously entertaining sequences by Rihanna.

There's also Clive Owen showing up in a theatrically-released movie for the first time in ages as Valerian and Laureline's boss, Rutger Hauer hanging out for a cup of coffee in the opening sequence, and John Goodman and Elizabeth Debicki voicing alien creatures for good measure.

The Bad.

Dane DeHaan Is Wildly Miscast he just looks like a teenager in a adult role, even though he tries his best he just doesn't look like a hero.

The Plot Is Basically Nonsense.

The Romance Doesn't Really Work - Tying into DeHaan being miscast is the fact that he doesn't have any natural sexual chemistry with Cara Delevingne, causing the romance to fall mostly flat from the outset.

Though Cara tries hard, neither actor is convincing as the other's lover, and it doesn't help that the romance is played as earnest rather than light and casual, and so ends up feeling extremely corny.

Granted, few actors could make sense of toe-curlingly cringe-worthy lines like, "I only want you on my playlist", but the love story really just weighs down a movie that could've been much more sleek and streamlined without it. Speaking of which...

Valerian clocks in at a beefy 137 minutes, which given the story's massive, space-faring scope, isn't surprising or inherently unreasonable, but considering that the plot is largely a series of excuses to string together various action sequences, with a romance awkwardly sandwiched in the middle, it's clear that the final cut of the movie is packed full of narrative bloat.

Trim down the romance and cut some of the more indulgent, overt exposition and you've got a far slicker-paced two-hour romp that probably would've played much better with audiences overall.

Overall: This is Luc Besson's Best Film since The Fifth Element (Since Lucy was Garage) its a shame we can't go back into this world since it bombed.

Overall Grade: C+.