Review of Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) by Madoc P — 28 Jul 2017

Just saw it last night and found it... boring.

Yes, boring.

Considering how eye popping the visuals were, for the film to turn out to be boring is something which took a while lot of work on Besson's part. But, damn if he didn't rise to the occasion.

I'd great hopes for the film as I truly enjoyed "5th Element" and thought that with the much larger budget, much more refined special effects, and the years of his wanting to realize the "Valerian and Laureline" tales on the big screen - he'd have done something superb. Instead?

Instead, it was a "meh" at best.

Part of this is due to how thoroughly "Valerian and Laureline" has been ripped off over the ensuing decades. What was new and ground breaking back when that comic book first came out is now commonplace. We're used to seeing a futuristic setting with all manner of alien aliens running 'round in it. We're used to seeing fantastic space battles. We're used to seeing truly alien landscapes. So, hoping to rely upon those visuals to push a film over the top simply doesn't cut it any more.

So, it then must come down to plot and having engaging characters. Here however, the film failed. None of the characters were engaging. None of them. The acting was flat. The two leads never displayed any chemistry and simply weren't impressive. Valerian in particular was a non-entity. I simply could not accept that he was some sort of uber agent of awesome abilities. He just seemed a male version of Laureline - but not as smart. So his romance with her was dull and contrived.

As to the film's plot? Hard to tell if it was from one of the original "Valerian and Laureline" tales or something Besson cooked up himself. In any event it was nothing original or engaging either.

Also, the film was too damn long. There were plenty of portions of it that should have wound up on the cutting room floor as that would've greatly helped with the tale's pacing and with the film's being a more enjoyable thing.

All in all? I've seen worse. I've paid more for seeing worse - I caught this in 2D and thus avoided the 3D version's gouging. I've also seen a whole lot better - and a lot better from Besson.