Review of Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017) by Lenny R — 09 Sep 2017

Undeniably beautiful to look at. But I was never sure why I should care about Valerian and Laureline. Dane De Haan and Cara Delevigne both look about 15, so I couldn't tell - was this meant to be kiddie wish fulfilment or something? Also, the leads have no chemistry. He has no charisma at all, but she is somewhat more engaging, and at least managed to convince me she's better than her terrible turn in Suicide Squad. Rihanna was OK, once I understood the nature of her character. Valerian goes off to track down something unknown to us, and...sits down to watch a pole dancer, while his girfriend's in trouble? 10 minutes later - oh, I understand now.

Not caring about the characters meant I had no investment in what they went through. That and a lack of explanation as to what was going on half the time (until after it had happened, as above) meant I found it hard to care what all the dazzling set pieces were actually for. The big 'twist', however, was pretty obvious early on. The humour seemed forced as written, and gained nothing from its delivery.

Overall, it's not as terrible as, say, Jupiter Ascending, but it's certainly no Fifth Element.