Review of Upgrade (2018) by Rigerwortis — 27 Feb 2020

Predictable plot, seen it a million times over. Terrible dialogue, no tension during the action scenes. Bizarre performances from all of the actors. Discount Tom Hardy, discount Maggie Gyllenhaal (though much prettier), and some weirdo sperg autismo lord who's a blonde ultra smart tech wizard granting our main character some revenge "plot" Mcguffin.

So its been three months since our main character became paralyzed and he hasn't lost any muscle mass? What about muscle atrophy? He's paralyzed from the neck DOWN, he wouldn't even have the same build and their were no sequences of rehab, stretching or nurse aids massaging his legs and arms.

Its just ridiculous. Its like watching every first act of a superhero film. Hero is weak, has something bad happen to him, suddenly gains new powers, gets revenge. Its the same song and dance just with yet another of whats "fashionable" in large budget independent dumpster fires (also known as films): "A science-fiction backdrop that was unnecessary to the central plot.

" How exactly does a "magic chip" implanted into your spine work? "Its science fiction magic, I don't gotta 'splain it." Thanks movie. How exactly would anyone qualify for such a thing? He's a guinea pig essentially for the Tech genies entertainment.

Even cautioning him that "this has never been done before," and "I'm not technically allowed to this without years of testing." Oh, okay. No big whoop just using an incredibly expensive, rare prototype that probably took years to develop on this one dude who I bought a vintage muscle car from.

That's probably not suspicious or will play a bigger role by the end of the film (obviously). Hope he uses it responsibly I guess. What ends up wanting to be fresh comes off like some sort of weird homage to Sony's "Venom" instead.

Aside from the predictability of the revenge plot, I guess its a fun ride while it lasts, but it is doggedly slow paced for an action sci-fi film. Almost DEVOID of action really for awhile. Honestly, maybe in the hands of some better writers, this could've been a good concept, but here its just ridiculous.

What kind of Mcguffin chip allows a main character to 2D print on a piece of paper? Its just so unbelievably silly. Even the twist is convoluted. If its a super chip that can control people, why go through with all the the shenanigans? I guess their wouldn't be a plot at all without Mcguffin processor anyhow.

Terrible ending to what could've been a fun film. The last thing that absolutely demands explanation is how on earth a man with severed nerves could ever possibly move again, even with the aid of some mumbo-jumbo science processor.

It borders on completely impossible. He would have nerves permanently damaged by his injury, their ain't no magic computer chip that can "fix" that. If a chip like that existed, it wouldn't have to be inside a human body, it wouldn't need a human being to function.

It would probably be able to do all the convoluted stuff it ends up doing by the ending of the film just fine though, by controlling ANYTHING else besides human beings. Not since an M. Night Shyamalan film have I seen such a dumb, depressing, twisteroo like that ending before.