Review of Underworld: Awakening (2012) by Noah Abraham G — 01 Oct 2013

Confession time, folks: I fell asleep during this movie. Only for five minutes, but boy did I fall asleep at the wrong time. In the five minutes, apparently the audience was told half of the plot of the film, because I woke up VERY confused.

I didn't like this film. Now, I do admit that this is the first Underworld film I've seen in its entirety (not that it matters; they give a recap at the beginning, which was nice of them). But it could have at least been entertaining, which it was not.

The plot? Selina has been captured by some humans, only to be unfrozen twelve years later by a twelve-year old girl. She finds a vampire and they drive off to this vampire base, being chased by werewolves and human soldiers.

Most of the blame falls on Kate Beckinsale, who gives a performance so bland that all of the entertainment value came from imagining how I could improve every single line reading. She fails every single second she's onscreen, failing to win my sympathy or investment. A sense of humor could have really improved her character, ala John McClane or James Bond. If she's like this in the first two movies, I'm glad I missed them.

The action's pretty perfunctory, too (aside from one admittedly cool ten seconds). This is mainly because we don't care about the characters, so why should we care about the action?

Frankly, this movie's just dull. Even my dad and brother (big fans of the series) thought this a disappointment. Give it a pass.