Review of Transylmania (2009) by Thomas Rooster C — 09 Dec 2009

Hey, this was surprisingly funny and not-bad. There probably hasn't been a college road-trip movie as good as this since National Lampoon's Senior Trip. (Yes, I thought Road Trip and Euro Trip both sucked).

The film is about a horny guy (who looks like Steve Zahn's younger brother) who is internet-dating a totally hot Romanian chick, so he convinces his 7 horny friends to spend a college semester in Romania to meet her.

Most of them are stoners, some are geeks, one is sexually confused, and all 3 girls of course are hot babes. The only recognizable star out of all of them is James DeBello, just because of his 3-minute scene in Scary Movie 2 ("RAY FUCKED ME!") and his big part in National Lampoon's Dorm Daze, which no one probably saw (and no one's going to see this either, I was even the only one there).

There's a pretty funny scene where 2 of the stoners fill huge condoms with pot, lube them up like dildos, and shove them up eachother's asses to smuggle drugs into the country. Hey, if you love pot that much it's probably not gay.

Once in Romania, they soon discover the legend of the vampires who once ruled the land, and the castle that has become their new college campus was their home. They meet a hot-babe vampire slayer (who looks almost as sexy as Kate Beckingsale in Underworld), and she is also the instructor in the only class they take during the movie - Combat & Self-Defense, which teaches you how to kill vampires.

The vampires are still there of course, they've just been waiting 500 years to find a music box which will unleash the soul of the vampire queen. The head vampire is the main character's exact copy, so the actor plays dual roles.

Oh, and his online girlfriend turns out to be a hideous hunchback with an evil midget father, who has plans as diabolical as Dr. Frankenstein. Anyways, one of the girls in the crew acquires the magical music box, and whenever she opens it, she is possessed by the vampire queen.

Much confusion, pot-smoking, fighting, and other hijnks ensue. Plenty of naked breasts, and most of the gags really play off and the movie is often very funny. Everything you would expect from a teen stoner horror-spoof screwball comedy, but more.

Definitely more worth watching than those fucking Twilight movies.