Review of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) by Tato M — 28 Feb 2016

Bludgeoning audiences into submission, Director Michael Bay's high-powered rocket of action, sound, style and inadvertent product placement overly rambunctious sequel continues to value hardware over humanity. With a budget of squillions (well $200m is close enough) Bay indulges his infamous reputation of desensitising audiences with aimlessly supercharged warfare which oddly resembles a small child banging toy trucks together.

Sadly, you can have too much of a good thing. This spectacular epic was stretched to the painstakingly inordinate length of 147 agonising minutes. 1 1/2 hours of overt Bay-ness is enthralling but the wow factor begins to dim when the extra hour creeps past leaving you stifling intermittent yawns with a numb bum and mind.

Willing not only for the movie to finish but also the noise to stop, the relentlessly bigger and brasher crash, bang, wallop of this eardrum-assaulting second (but not last) instalment literally vibrates you where you sit.

Set two years after the first, the centuries-long war between two clans of robotic aliens - Autobots and Decepticons - continues. With the fate of earth and their species at stake the human friendly Autbots team up with a covert military team called NEST to uncover any Decepticons hiding out on earth.

Meanwhile, awkward teenager Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBeouf) is leaving his barmy parents (Julie White, Kevin Dunn) and stunning mechanic girlfriend (Megan Fox) to attend college.

When Sam unknowingly touches and reactivates a powerful metal shard from the Allspark his brain is imprinted with a coded hieroglyphic message containing the secret location to "the matrix" the key to the transformers existence.

Stunned, Sam drops the shard and disregards the event, until an unexpected possessed episode during his first lesson, an attack of sultry-but-nasty co-ed robot in disguise and a physical examination conducted by some newly spawned decepticon disciples brings an end to his short lived college career.

The perpetrators steal the shard to awaken their leader Megatron (Voiced by Hugo Weaving) from the depths of the ocean. Megatron begins to mastermind a diabolical plan to find "the Matrix" to restore power to a very ancient, very evil transformer known as The Fallen.

The Fallen, hell-bent on destroying earth and consuming its sun, calls to arms all remaining Decepticons on earth. Attempting to prevent the onslaught, Sam, The Autobots and NEST team up to engage Magatron and the Decepticons in an all-in royal rumble of epic proportions.

Whatever performance-enhancing incentives Bay provided his technical team to create such complex and explosive visual effects were sadly all used by the time the window dressing humanoid cast appeared on set.

Lebeouf is reliably dreadful and still completely disengaged from his over-tanned sexy minx Barbie doll co-star Fox. Turturro's continuance of character as the crackpot conspiracy theorist as well as the introduction of the wisecracking Jar Jar Binks style Twin robots and an ancient cockney Decepticon turned Autobot brings needed comic relief.

Luckily acting is not what this movie is about; it is about satisfying that 13 year old testosterone boyhood dream of the male X&Y generation demographic. Often feeling like your watching someone else playing a really long video game, this is the pinnacle of juvenile male escapism.

The Verdict: Ignoring the series correct yet redundant storyline lacking any flicker of a pulse as well as the cringeworthy dialogue and robotic acting (from the humans!) this movie for all intents and purpose was created to entertain and it does.

Very Important; remember to disengage your brain and the door whilst positioning your industrial strength earplugs.

Published: The Queanbeyan Age.

Date of Publication: 26/06/2009.