Review of Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) by Stef — 16 Jun 2014

To be honest the only reason I even watched this movie is because Mark Wahlberg's starring in the next one, and since I just can't pass that up, I suppose I probably need to watch this one first.

Because oh man, I am SO not this franchise's target audience. So very, very not. Only, I kind of AM, because I love robots and scifi and space but oh boy, Michael Bay's somehow managed to screw it all up in a truly royal fashion. But let's try to stay positive and summarize this thing:

The Good:

1. The first ten minutes. Moon landing!

2. Buzz Aldrin cameo!

3. Huge robots!

4. Decepticons! And Bumblebee!

5. The CGI.

The Bad:

1. Tiny little robots (I want to punch them all in their obnoxious faces).

2. Shia LaBeouf (I've never seen anyone try so very hard to be an action star and fail so very badly).

3. The cheese factor. Oh man, it's soooo cheesy.

4. Two and a half hours long? Ain't nobody got time for that!

5. Is this an action movie or a comedy? Three films in and I still don't understand this franchise.

6. Optimus Prime, who is the blandest, most uninteresting character in the whole series.

7. The fact that I enjoyed the first movie but Revenge of the Fallen and Dark Side of the Moon has made me hate the franchise. A lot. If it were a person I'd very much like to punch it in the head.

(And this is where I confess that I didn't even last one hour before I totally lost interest in this movie, and two hours in I kind of wish it'd just end already (because to be honest I haven't been paying attention for the last hour and fifteen minutes)).

To sum this thing up: if you liked the second movie you'll probably like this one as well. If you thought the second movie was a hot mess, avoid this one because it's basically a second serving of the same steaming pile of crap.