Review of Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) by Kevin R — 14 Dec 2018

Still another awful Bayformers sequel. Dark of the Moon is better than Revenge of the Fallen, but it is still an awful movie. The lame humans still annoyingly hog up too much screentime. The character development for the Transformers is horrible. Shockwave was an horribly disappointing villain and was treated like shit. Shockwave? More like Shitwave. I can never forgive Michael Bay for what he did to Shockwave. Bay raped Shockwave and turned him into a mumbling pussy who barely talks that doesn't really pose a major threat. Frank Welker was severely miscast as the voice of Shockwave. Shockwave's voice was terrible. He was also badly cast as the voice of Soundwave. Steve Blum should've been Shockwave's voice actor. In the third act, he was horribly and embarrassingly getting killed by a bunch of human soliders!!! WTF Michael Bay? Shockwave ended up losing and dying because of a stupid parachute! I'm not kidding, one of the human soldiers skydived and activated his parachute and accidentally got his parachute tangled around Shockwave when he was shooting (I honestly didn't even know what the hell he was shooting at because of Bay's god-awful camerawork) which stupidly somehow caused him to get disoriented. Then a bunch of explosions literally came out of nowhere near Shockwave severely damaging him. Then another human soldier lands on Shockwave's shoulder and shoots a sticky detonator on his mouth. Then the sticky detonator blows up some of Shockwave's mouth off causing him to scream in agony. Then a bunch of human soldiers were spraying hundreds of bullets at him from inside a building while he was still getting bombarded by countless explosions. Then the Wreckers were shooting bullets at him too and damaging him to the point where his eyeball was loose and started falling off. Then Shockwave screamed "mommy" and got shot from a bunch of more human soldiers shooting explosives at him with their grenade launchers. Then Optimus Prime finally comes and finishes Shockwave off and kills him. Describing Shockwave's death was just PAINFUL. Starscream dies from another stupid, cheap, and unfair death too. Starscream's death was arguably the worst death in the entire movie and not just the entire movie...but also the worst death in the entire Bayformers franchise! Starscream ends up dying by the hands of fucking Sam Witwicky!!! Seriously, MIchael Bay? WTF is wrong with you? It was the stupidest, corniest, most disappointing, and most embarrassing death ever! Then Soundwave's death was the least bad, but still a badly executed death. He gets killed all because he got distracted by a falling ship being torn apart and destroyed by two tiny robots. Bumblebee suddenly does sort of a roundhouse-like kick on Soundwave and then soon decapitates him by shooting his head off from inside his chest. Soundwave's voice wasn't even right. Soundwave is supposed to be speak with no emotions like he always did in the G1 series. The voice performance for Soundwave did not fit his character. Then Sentinel Prime (who ends up being the real main villain of the film) dies because Megatron shoots him a bunch of times when he wasn't looking while he was about to kill Optimus by stabbing him with his sword. So Megatron beats up Sentinel when he least expected it and breaks off his helmet. So Megatron unintentionally saved Optimus' life from Sentinel. Then Optimus gets up with only one arm and ends up easily and quickly killing Megatron by ripping his head off with his sword. Megatron was such an idiot. If he hadn't hurt Sentinel then Optimus would've died and his plan to rebuild their home planet Cybertron by taking all of Earth's resources and technology would have succeeded. Bay ruined Megatron. Megatron barely did anything in this movie. So after Megatron dies, Optimus ends up killing Sentinel by shooting his head with Megatron's weapon. All of the Decepticons and Sentinel Prime died in cheap and unfair ways. The only good thing about this movie was the great soundtrack.

Rating: 3/10.