Review of Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) by Skulb — 28 Jul 2014

Although not quite as spectacularly abysmal as Dark of the Moon, Age of Extinction really is one of the worst movies I`ve seen this year. It features, as one might have expected, entirely unbelievable characters engaging in entirely unbelievable activities while saying entirely unbelievable things for entirely too long.

So to camouflage this sad state of affairs the movie has been attempted drowned in CGI effects, loud noises, whizbangs, pointless romance, a pointless and entirely unbelievable father-daughter intrigue and about three moments of comic relief. Most of the time you spend staring at the screen in a futile attempt to notice all the unbelievable things going on there.

What really did this one in for me though was how entirely unrealistic it all was. In scene after scene all the protagonists have near death experiences, yet nobody is so much as lightly injured, with one early exception. One scene in particular just broke new ground for lack of realism, when it had three people balancing down some anchor chains, 80 floors up, then being attacked by robotic dogs while doing it and then having all the chains gradually cut, before they were caught in mid-fall by a transformers robot which then slid down the entire facade of a skyscraper while holding them in its hands. As this ludicrous scene ends they simply walk out of the hand of the transformer unscathed, and immediately go back to being in love for no apparent reason, assuring each other that they admire each other and somehow, magically, becoming proficient warriors, after having spent their lives in a barn inventing beer-fetching robots.

After this of course nothing can save the movie, and it goes from ridiculous scene to ridiculous dialogue line for what in the end seems like an eternity. With the notable exception of The "Amazing" Spider Man this is the worst movie I have seen this year I think, and I wouldn`t recommend it to my worst enemy. Only watch this if you usually love terrible movies.