Review of Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) by Diogomendes — 26 Jun 2014

Let's put cards on the table, alright? The first Transformers was okay. The second Transformers was, undeniably, a great piece of sh*t. The third Transformers was slightly better than it's predecessor, but it was still a piece of trash. Now, it comes the next installment directed by Michael Bay just to destroy the franchise once and for all (but still the film will, unbelievably, make 1 billion dollars).

The film show us Cade Yeager trying to get money in order to put his daughter Tessa into college. Oh yes there's no Megan Fox, let's just put the chick from the "Last Airbender" into this excrement. And in case if you're wondering, YES, this movie has annoying characters just like the other three movies. Meet Lucas: The most annoying character in the whole film (Thank god he's dead), the guy was so stupid, so stupid that in the beginning of the movie he couldn't catch a ball right in front of his eyes.

Later, Cade brings an old truck which is by the way, OPTIMUS PRIME!!!! What a happy coincidence!!! I was saying that he brings an old truck to remove and sell the parts (for the reason I already mentioned) and bla bla bla bla, why we need that character development anyway? Meanwhile, the humans try to hunt down the Autobots (even thought that Autobots save the Earth like, 3 times) for a very, very poorly conceived reason that my brain is still processing such an undeveloped plot element.

When they find that Mr. Yeager hid Optimus in his barn, they go to his little house and the movie introduce us: Titus Welliver, yeah the guy with the sunglasses! Titus send his men to search the whole place in order to find Optimus and then Cade says "Oh wait! You can't search my farm without an warrant!", Titus replies "My face is the warrant!".

*Stares in silence*.

*Sighs*.

Okay... I think I'm okay.  Moving on, Titus threats Cade's daughter and in the last second, Optimus shows up and says "HERE I AM!" Seriously? He couldn't just ripped off "Dexter" and say "Surprise motherf*cker!!!"?

Cade and his daughter are saved by Tessa's boyfriend, oh yeah wait until you read this. Cade, Tessa, Lucas and Shane are running from the police and in the middle of the chase, Cade finds out that his daughter is dating with Shane and instead of just focusing in WHAT'S IMPORTANT, he starts arguing with Tessa!!! Yes, of course! When I'm being chase by dozen of police cars and police choppers, I'll just ask why my girlfriend didn't ate her cornflakes in the morning.

There's a scene where Cade is fighting with Titus in a building and instead of picking up a knife to stab him in the neck or in the heart, he decides to use an american football. Really? I mean, really???!!!! Meanwhile, in the final battle (because I forgot the confused and meaningless plot, it doesn't matter anyway) Joshua becomes, inexplicably, a comedian. And, can you believe people actually laughed at Michael Bay's stupid comedy?

After the end of the battle, Tessa realizes that they don't have a place to stay and Joshua says "I think I might help you with that". What a stupid miracle! Michael Bay didn't even tried to make a decent ending! For almost 3 f*cking hours, the filmmakers were kidding with my face. The narrative is overstuffed with crazy action sequences (that never end) and nonsensical plot elements, there is no plot, the cast knew the movie was **** but they didn't tried, the dialogues are so f*cking stupid, the run-time is too damn long, there's too much product placement, the character development is completely unnecessary and THE PEOPLE INVOLVED IN THIS SUBSTANDARD AND RETARDED MOVIE DIDN'T GIVE A F*CK ABOUT THE ESSENCE OF A GOOD ACTION MOVIE!

This movie removes my taste for good movies. I wouldn't recommend it neither to my worst enemy.