Review of Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) by Anzaan A — 20 Nov 2017

Ahhh where to start. I usually don't write reviews. But yesterday's disappointment in watching this had to be expressed either through punching an anvil, or writing this review. But I need my hands this week so I'm going to write a review.

I am a fan of transformers, I loved the cartoon series and the first and second blockbuster hit. I saw quite a substantial amount of plot holes in the third installation and I knew it was going to go downhill from there. I had hopes that the age of extinction would clear some of the plot holes I saw from the dark of the moon, and after seeing the movie trailers I became somewhat excited and felt all warm inside.

I brought my two boys with me, bought some overpriced pop-corns and sugar drinks to stimulate my mind so that my brain could focus and absorb the new concept of the story, hoping to satisfy my hunger for unanswered questions that left my joy decimated at the last series.

I like Walhberg during action scenes, but not when he starts making lame dialogues. And those lame dialogues deviate from being a bit funny, to just stab me in my thighs, depending on who wrote the script. Lame dialogues pervaded the whole friggen movie!

There are countless, pointless, perpetually boring ass things that prevented the story, or just the movie as a whole from being appreciated. The characters were annoying, namely Lucas, Tessa and that friggen Shane who is nothing but a disrespectful little sh*t to Walhberg and exhibited this attitude throughout until third quarter of the movie. I'm a dad alright, and I just wanted to punch him the f**k out! And Walhberg should've done the same, what the hell? Few good actors, but the characters were weak.

Every time I thought that the movie was trying to make people laugh, I look around the entire cinema and see people staring at the screen, not laughing. I look at my boys and they're not laughing, and they're the type that laugh at anything that moves. I'm not laughing because my mind is struggling trying to keep that hope alive while at the same time enduring the thought of another ominous outcome, "when is this going to end?", "stop doing stupid things", "stop trying to make me laugh", "just stop talking", "OMG what am I doing here?".

I finish the giant popcorn and my big tub of sugar drink after an hour. I thought that if I just go out for a smoke, maybe i'll be able to appreciate the rest of the movie because my mind will be refreshed. I'll take my time, maybe say hi to that nice ticket collector and make small talk. That's 10 minutes to recuperate. It couldn't be that bad.

I get back to my seat. Nothing changes...

Every new main event that was introduced in the movie was not properly explained in the end. In other words, it just came out of nowhere and went nowhere. This just piled up leaving me with more and more questions. It seems as if plots were inserted in holes and the viewer was left to create his own resolution of it. The story is incongruently incoherent.

Why after all this time, can't Bumblebee talk? With all the autonomous robotic, high alien-technologically advanced race systems that are available that they can't rectify his voice box?? I wanted to see more of the dinobots. And why were they in the... never mind, no spoilers.

Yes most of the action scenes were great, but come on, don't make it lame by adding something that doesn't belong there, like another horrific comment, phrase or something that isn't funny. It destroys the entertainment. In fact, just don't even talk during the action scenes please!

Graphics are awesome. That's the only thing I appreciate.

So unfortunately I left disappointed once again. More than disappointed, irritated and frustrated. I asked my boys what they thought, they said "ummm... awesome?" as if that definition has lost it's meaning and they weren't entirely sure how to make me feel better. I wanted to research on the writers and directors who created this movie to try and figure out how they defiled a great science fiction theme, but I couldn't give a cross-bun anymore. I'll let it roll this time. I feeling a bit better now.

In the end I figure this movie suits those who don't care too much about story lines and great characters and dialogues. Mainly those who like to see giant robots fight. but the movie is rated for matured audiences and robot fights only took place during half the movie. So then I question what are the creators of this film trying to achieve? Use the name for profit and create something primarily for entertainment purposes. But today's audience are rational thinkers who want more than just action scenes and loud explosions. So..Set five years after Dark of the Moon, Transformers: Age of Extinction sets out to continue the franchise, taking a new path in more than one way. Lots of explosions, action scenes and robots wrecking cities up and we've got ourselves the fourth one.

To begin with, there were a lot of weak points, the biggest challenge being the fact that the entire human cast was replaced. I felt that Wahlberg and Tucci did a good job, but the rest of them were terrible. A lot of it has to do with writing: the characters were shallow and didn't have any depth at all. At a running time of 2h45min you think it would be enough to flesh them out but no. Wahlberg's daughter just yells "Dad!" and screams her entire screen time. Her boyfriend is shoehorned in just to complete the clumsy romance but in the end is just a tool to move the plot. Sophia Myles, amongst others, is completely wasted. The fact that Bay chose to concentrate on the humans again, and failed with it again, speaks volumes.

It was, however, good to see how Cade (Wahlberg) first comes across Optimus Prime and being a mechanic/inventor, revitalizes the beaten leader. The focus also shifted from Bumblebee to Prime as the main link to the protagonist, but oddly it was never explained why Bee left Sam in the first place, being his most loyal protector.

Now, speaking of techs in the film, there was a lot of slow-mo. A lot. And it really took away from the action. It is okay to employ slow-mo sometimes, for example when the robots are transforming, but not at every single shot. Moreover, the transformings themselves were weaker than in the previous installments. I mean, in the first one when Starscream transformed into a plane in the middle of the flight or they were fighting/transforming in the narrow street, or in DotM during the fights, this depth was lacking in AoE. Also the fights weren't as good compared to the gigantic robot battles or human black ops tactics in previous films. Lastly, as cheesy as it may sound Optimus Prime riding Grimlock was pretty awesome. Even if Grimlock was in the movie for about ten whole minutes. And Lockdown the bounty hunter as the main villain was also done nicely.

The film is way too long, the beginning stretches a lot, the middle even more, the finale as well. We are treated to a lot of badly written human characters who just slow the movie down and stretch. Even the endless explosions got tiring (boom, boom, boom and slow-mo all the time, why oh why?). But honestly, going in I thought this would be loads worse. In the end though, not as good as the first or the third, but still better than the second (not that this should count for anything as that was plain awful). Altogether, too long, too stretchy, way too much slow-mo, too shallow characters, some decent fights and action, Prime riding Gon something so incredibly awful as this film. I see most films at home but I saw this one in the theatre with my stepson who really wanted to see this. For me it ended up even way below my expectations, which were already very low. Note: I really liked the first one. I don't dislike Bay (even liked Pearl Harbor and Armageddon and Bad Boys II), but this is just simply not very good. It's plain awful actually. Even my 11 yr old stepson thought it was boring.... need I say more...? It doesn't go anywhere, you don't care at all what happens to the characters, human or alien and there is literally never any sense of urgency or peril for anyone involved. Please let another director have a shot at this franchise and let Bay direct another The Rock. And why Spielberg is executive-producing this turd of a movie is beyond me. Waste of time for everyone involved, only good thing is it's making a ton of money for Paramount. Lets just hope they invest in something with more substance.