Review of Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) by Scott G — 04 Nov 2010

"Good morning my golden retrievers! What havoc shall Carver Media wreak in the world of news today?!" Jonathan Pryce brings the villain Elliot Carver to life in Tomorrow Never Dies, which I viewed as more of a comedy than an action film. Pryce is the highlight of the film along with Mr. Stamper, Dr. Kaufman, and Gupta, the portly computer whiz whose contract is about to expire. The plot is ridiculous, as Carver plans to start a war for news ratings and acquire the broadcasting rights in China for the next 100 years.

Wait.....what? Yes, that is Carver's ultimate goal. We will reasonably say that Elliot Carver is 60 years old, and in good health, will die around 85. That gives him 25 years to broadcast in China. Why does he want to broadcast in China so much? Is it because he loves Beijing? Perhaps Wai Lin should work in his Beijing Bereau. "But Mr. Carver, you don't have a bereau in Beijing.... Call me Elliot." And so one of the most memorable Bond villains is born in Elliot Carver, the obnoxious, pompous media mogul who very badly wants to broadcast CMGN in Beijing. Stamper is the right hand man who is training in Chakra torture, trying to break his mentor's record (Dr. Kaufman), whose record is 52 hours. OUCH. Interesting role model. Wai Lin provides some action with her combat skills she may have acquired while working in the Chinese People's External Security Safety Task Force of Internal External Affairs of Biochemical Warfare and News. General Chang is waiting. Perhaps the most iconic passing-by-on-screen-performance, General Chang graces us with two seconds of screen time, and he has no lines. But do not underestimate General Chang. He is important to the movie, as Carver plans on launching a missile from his stealth boat out of the engine room straight into Beijing, and Chang will arrive in Beijing after the missile goes off to take over as China's new leader, allowing Carver his much needed media rights to broadcast in China.

Stamper tries and fails to kill Bond and Wai Lin...so much for German efficiency! But he is a force to be reckoned with as he is big and experienced in Chakra torture, throwing Bond around like a Gupta doll at the end of the movie. Gupta knows secret agents when he sees one, and tells Mr. Carver that Bond had an affair with Paris Carver. Dr. Kaufman proceeds to make an appointment with Mrs. Carver and stamps her out in the hotel room, and plans on doing the same to Bond. "I could shoot you from Studecock and still create ze proper effect!" Kaufman tells Bond after he plans on making the shooting look like a suicide. Unfortunately Bond outwits poor Dr. Kaufman and changs him with a cellphone taser device, and now Mr. Stamper is left without his mentor to further probe the genitals with the Chakra torture devices. Gupta readies the missile to fire in Beijing, but Elliot Carver has other plans for poor Mr. Gupta. Apparently Gupta has outlived his contract, and Carver stamps him out of commission on the stealth boat. Bond however destroys the stealth boat with Ms. Lin and has a showdown with Carver, who is torn to shreds by the driller that sunk a british boat in the South China Sea. As Carver believes he is about to escape his Carver Media stealth boat, on his Carver Media Heligupta, to go back to his Carver Tower to further broadcast Carver Media, he is stamped out by Bond and the delicious stealth boat is destroyed and Bond and Wai Lin float away on a piece of wreckage in the South China Sea. Luckily, the British fleets did not have their sabre rattled, nor did they fire one or two at the MIGs, so world war three was avoided thanks to James Bond. An excellent comedy movie with memorable villains. "The only good news....is bad news. Outstanding." -Elliot Carver of Carver Media Group News.