Review of Time Bandits (1981) by Tyler M — 31 Mar 2012
Even for a bad 80's movie this is bad.
Warning: There's a ton of spoilers ahead...But rest assured you don't want to sit through the movie so it won't make any difference if I spoil it for you.
The Story: Midgets and a boy travel through time and steal stuff...That's about it, their being chased by God and the Devil, but that's immaterial here as the story sucks either way...Here's the spoilers...You see:
* A woman get punched in the face for no real reason.
* God is called a lunatic.
* People are lined up and shot by a firing squad...Twice.
* Theres excessive use of midgets.
* Knights get impaled on large lances.
* A midget gets smashed by a large pillar, and you see it!
* Feet hanging from the ceiling of a large room.
* A fat man wearing a boat hat.
* Drugs pumped directly into the brain of a giant.
* Puppet violence.
* A man attempting suicide...Twice.
* The head of a beast gets ripped off, by Sean Connery's bare hands.
* Archers get arrows shot through them.
* And the big one! At the end of the movie, the kids house burns down, and his parents explode!
Yes you read that correctly, a young boys HOUSE BURNS DOWN AND HIS PARENTS DIE BY EXPLOSION!!!!
The Cast: John Cleese, Sean Connery, Shelley Duvall...What were these great actors doing here? You only see each of them for maybe a total of ten minutes each and they suck. Even the good actors are bad here, what-up-with-that? There's no good performances here at all.
One to Five Scale: 1.
If my scale went any lower, rest assured that this would be getting the lower rating. It's that bad. AVOID AT ALL COSTS!...I'm sure there's more bad things than what's listed up there but that's all I can remember off the top of my head.
Tyler.
This review of Time Bandits (1981) was written by Tyler M on 31 Mar 2012.
Time Bandits has generally received positive reviews.
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