Review of The World Is Not Enough (1999) by Mirko B — 19 Sep 2010

Oh my god. Over the years, James Bond turned into something like those slightly annoying relatives at family gatherings that everyone seems to avoid but they still show up. Dude, don't you get it? We've had it!

It was always a matter of utter fascination to me how somebody like 007, who needs a plethora of gadgets to win every fight he's involved in, can still pass as a hero. To me,if you really need a pricey watch with loads of hidden functions to K.O. your opponent, you should be considering a career change...maybe a florist?

Anyway, "T.W.I.N.E." diligently follows the footsteps of the former Bond films. There's your habitually irresistible Mr. Brosnan as 007, then there's a hideous bad guy(Robert Carlyle) with some kind of deformation(this one feels no pain). And there's the two girls competing in who gets to ride Bond's tail first, Sophie Marceau(the dangerously beautiful oil fortune heiress) and Denise Richards, a shallow-as-can-be scientist who uses every opportunity to make you notice her cleavage, which isn't really that sexy. Add a few breathtaking chasing/combat scenes and a bit of the Stockholm syndrome into the mix, and this is what you'll end up with. Not much.

Isn't it a funny coincidence how the Bond villains always turn out to be people from beyond the former iron curtain? The British(and other English-speaking countries) are always painted in beautiful colors as saviors of the planet, whereas the rest of the world's population is a bunch of blood-thirsty lunatics. As a person of Slavic descent, I think we should be deeply offended. The Bond franchise works almost as a remainder of British imperialism. Why is the MI6 saving the day and not somebody,anybody else? Marceau completely overshadowed that silly tart Richards. She made someone as devoid of any character as a Bond girl seem at least intriguing.

The beauty of this movie is that it's completely predictable. Bond saves the day, gets the girl and dumps her afterward (if he doesn't dump them, why don't they appear in the sequel?!). It would be so great if everyone lived in a black-and-white kind of world like Mr. 007. But we don't.